pauraque_bk: (Default)
pauraque_bk ([personal profile] pauraque_bk) wrote2004-07-01 12:36 am

200 ficlet #4 - Lupin/Harry

This one is for [livejournal.com profile] lycoris, who requested Lupin/Harry, dealing with Sirius's death. (And yes, there is a cardigan reference. I couldn't resist.)

PG, pre-slash, 580 words.


Microcosmos

'Take care, Harry,' said Lupin quietly. 'Keep in touch.' (OotP 766 UK)


7 July

'What do you think?' Lupin says, squinting up at the box office marquee. 'There's a documentary on insects that's meant to be good.'

Harry looks up sceptically at the title. He thinks about suggesting something else, a comedy or something. But then again, they saw what Harry wanted last time. He agrees to the bug movie.

The cinema is cool and dry, a relief from the summer haze outside. The katydids creep delicately across the screen, big as monsters. Harry glances at Lupin every once in a while, trying to be subtle about it. The whiteblue light flickers over Lupin's face, making his skin smooth, emphasizing the dark hollows of his cheeks. He's absorbed in the film, not conscious of himself, and his expression falls in a way that makes him look hurt and worried.

*

16 July

'It was just well done,' Lupin is saying, turning up one palm and shaking his head, chewing. He gestures a lot when talking about a film he liked; his eyes seem a bit brighter. 'You realise at the end that they left all the clues you need to work it out. Like the name on the sailboat, remember?'

'Yeah,' Harry says, and he's smiling, though he doesn't really like mysteries.

*

24 July

Harry picks the onions off his cheeseburger. Lupin is sitting not quite next to him, not quite across, having grilled salmon and a glass of wine. The seats of the booth are soft and close, making Harry sleepy. The fan makes shadow-stripes flicker over Lupin's face, and his careful fingers working like a katydid's legs with the knife and fork.

Harry notices how the bones stick out in Lupin's wrists, and he thinks his own fingers could circle them, easily, if he were to shift over and take them in his hands.

Harry excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and as he's coming back, he hears the waitress asking Lupin if his son would like any more lime and soda.

*

1 August

They come out of the cinema and it's dark, too late to eat. Lupin doesn't say anything right away, puts his hands in his coat pockets and cracks his neck. Harry wanders slowly over to the kerb, and runs the toe of his shoe over the edge of it, absently. He doesn't want to go home yet, and tries to think of something else they could do this time of night.

After a moment, he feels Lupin's long, skinny hand on his shoulder. He turns, startled. Lupin isn't someone who touches a lot, who hugs or gives pats on the back. That was always Sirius.

They look at each other. Lupin's eyes are dark and soft. He kneads Harry's shoulder for a moment, and then his hand drops away, fingertips trailing down the sleeve of Harry's jumper. Harry holds his breath.

'Well,' Lupin says, pushing the word out in a short puff of air. He gives a faint, crooked smile. 'It's rather late.'

*

8 August

At a quiet moment in the film, Harry notices that Lupin's breathing has become deep and regular. He glances over-- his head is tilted back against the seat, his mouth slack and slightly open.

The cinema is nearly empty. Harry awkwardly pushes up the armrest between them, and carefully leans up against Lupin's side. The worn cardigan is soft on Harry's cheek, and he can feel the shape of Lupin's shoulder beneath it, his warmth.

At some point, Harry realises that Lupin is awake again, and hasn't pushed him away.


end.


Feedback would be very much appreciated.

[identity profile] jewelofsaturn.livejournal.com 2004-07-07 04:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, darling, I loved this. It was so subtle and beautiful. Very nicely written. I especially enjoyed the last line. It was a great way to wrap up the fic. Wonderful wonderful work!

<3
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry (indilime's base))

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-07-08 04:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] spican.livejournal.com 2004-07-23 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
Ahhhh. Eo, it's *beautiful*. It makes my heart break with all the hope in it, if that makes any sense. Like a music piece in a minor key that still is so lovely it lifts your spirit.

I love the quiet pace, the variations over a theme taking them forward. The mutual, unspoken respect and protectiveness, the tug between experience and inexperience, and Harry wise and hurt beyond his years, which Lupin just *gets* because he's always been that too. There's that moment when Harry looks at Lupin's wrists and thinks that his hands could easily encircle them, and in the next line, Lupin is mistaken for his father, and it's such a subtle and lovely point made of how age truly isn't that important between these two.

As always, your imagery and details are amazingly rich. The delicacy and strange beauty of the katydids in the intimacy of the cinema dark set the mood for the whole piece -- the slow pace between them, the sense of altered reality, the beauty Harry sees in Lupin. There's an almost old-fashioned feeling of courtship in it: I love how everything is a little awkward even though they are so clearly in each other's comfort zone, it makes their connection that much more real, gentle and sensual. It truly is a microcosm, and every move, line and development are note perfect.

You just amaze me, you know.
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry (indilime's base))

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-07-23 04:00 pm (UTC)(link)
*blush* Thank you! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.

There's an almost old-fashioned feeling of courtship in it

I wasn't thinking of it this way while I was writing, but [livejournal.com profile] millefiori's reaction really struck me: "These are dates! They're dating!" :)

[identity profile] circe-tigana.livejournal.com 2004-09-13 07:58 pm (UTC)(link)
God, that was beautiful. Thank you.
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry (indilime's base))

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-09-14 12:20 am (UTC)(link)
Thank *you*. I really needed a kind word today, and you came through. :)

[identity profile] galdeone.livejournal.com 2004-09-14 03:48 am (UTC)(link)
Wow.

I think there's just something about subtlety, about the way emotion is implied without being in the face. This story is evocative without being obvious. And I daresay it's awfully sweet, too.

As to your comment in your 'most popular stories' page, I think the no-sex part does contribute to the loveliness of the story. There is so much smut out there that it's just refreshing to have something different, something that tugs on the heartstrings without having to tug on the... you know.

Well done.

<3

[identity profile] circe-tigana.livejournal.com 2004-09-15 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Have recced on [livejournal.com profile] potter_recs. I keep coming back to reread this.

I absolutely am entranced by it.

This line:


'Yeah,' Harry says, and he's smiling, though he doesn't really like mysteries.


Just ... Yes.
cavalaxis: (ss_potionsmaster_by_cavalaxis)

This is postive feedback. Honest!

[personal profile] cavalaxis 2004-09-15 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
To be perfectly honest, the idea of Harry/Remus turns me off, and not because I don't slash (yes, I know -- I'm broken. We've established this fact). My squick would be the incest angle.

To read this just as a young Harry and the father figure he looks up to -- the one who will always remind him of how close he came with his godfather -- it breaks my heart. The idea that they've both lost someone so dear to them (because I *do* think that Remus/Sirius is pretty much canon at this point) -- and that they need each other just to keep on going, that works.

And that's how I'm gonna read this most excellent story.

You win the not-quite-official SHOW DON'T TELL award. For finesse and grace in the expression of deep and complex emotions. For bypassing the obvious and for not using a hammer to bring your point home. May the ham-fisted hacks of fanfiction everywhere see the light, follow your example, and heed the words.

SHOW.
DON'T TELL.

(here courtesy lj comm="potter_recs")
cavalaxis: (Default)

Re: This is postive feedback. Honest!

[personal profile] cavalaxis 2004-09-15 09:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Aw screw it.

[livejournal.com profile] potter_recs

::sigh::

[identity profile] apostrophet.livejournal.com 2004-09-15 10:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Here from [livejournal.com profile] potter_recs. This is absolutely beautiful. So subtle, with a quiet, heartbroken tone that is perfect for the characters, the pairing, and the circumstances. Beautifully written. I hope you don't mind if I print this out, because I know I'll be wanting to reread this.
pauraque: bird flying (Default)

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-09-15 11:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks very much! I'm so glad you liked it.
pauraque: bird flying (Default)

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-09-15 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow, thanks again. And thank you for the rec!

oh

[identity profile] slashfairy.livejournal.com 2004-09-16 03:45 pm (UTC)(link)
now I can go to work happy, with something lovely to think about.
beautiful. *smells lupin on the cardigan*

Microcosms- the film

[identity profile] tesseract-5.livejournal.com 2004-09-17 03:52 pm (UTC)(link)
YES! I loved that documentary-- did you see Winged Migration? same guy, same camera technique except with gliders and hot air balloons.

really lovely feeling in this short fic, I've got a huge soft spot for Lupin, especially as David Thewlis portrayed him the tenderness and gentle touches of the character. *happy sigh*

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_riz/ 2004-09-18 01:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Augh. That is so, so cute and perfect. I shall now complement it with the utter inappropriateness of my Harry/Remus icon. <3
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry (indilime's base))

Re: This is postive feedback. Honest!

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-09-19 04:32 pm (UTC)(link)
I did write this with the intention of a romantic subtext, because that's what my friend asked for, but I do realize that it can be read and appreciated as a platonic thing, and that's fine. It's interesting, because I initially rated it G, because nothing objectionable really *happens* in it, but then people started reccing it and labeling it PG for the student/teacher romance aspect, so I switched it to PG as well. Now it seems to be having another go-round of recs and feedback, and people are calling it G again, presumably because they don't see that subtext! I can't win. :)

But anyway, I very much appreciate your feedback. The "show don't tell" thing is what really matters to me about my writing, not who may or may not be having romantic feelings towards whom. I'm very glad that came through.
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry (indilime's base))

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-09-19 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks lots, I'm really glad you enjoyed it so much. Sure, feel free to print it out. :)
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry (indilime's base))

Re: oh

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-09-19 04:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, thank you. Making people happy is what it's all about. :)

And hey, you might be interested in [livejournal.com profile] cardigangsters...
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry (indilime's base))

Re: Microcosms- the film

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-09-19 04:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I haven't seen Winged Migration yet, though I really want to.

And thank you! I thought Thewlis was great in PoA; he stole the movie. He was certainly my inspiration in this piece.
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/neville (indilime's base))

[personal profile] pauraque 2004-09-19 04:42 pm (UTC)(link)
*laughs* Hee, icon love.

Thank you very much. :)

[identity profile] misentropic.livejournal.com 2005-01-07 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
(Surfed over here from your website, by the way.)

Normally this pairing is far from my cup of tea, but the subtlety and the dreamy, sad tone are quite lovely. It's very human, and if I may say so, much more--I think 'sensual' is the only proper word--than a million of the average throwaway smut ficlets.

Thanks for writing it.
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry)

[personal profile] pauraque 2005-01-13 07:36 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I truly appreciate it, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

[identity profile] literaryll.livejournal.com 2005-01-26 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
I'm really late on this but better than never right? loved loved loved them going to the movies together and the ending where harry puts remus's arm around him made me smile - hugely - like the biggest smile you can imagine :) - loved how understated it is, it felt so real - thanks so much for sharing
pauraque: bird flying (lupin/harry)

[personal profile] pauraque 2005-01-28 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you very much! I'm glad to have put a smile on your face. :)

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