You've got some really interesting points here, but I think we still have what we might call a "fruitful disagreement" that's worth going another round on!
First, I completely agree with your observations about Harry's take on the situation -- I think that's precisely what's going through his head, that he can't win, that he has nothing to gain by speaking. The question is -- is this an adequate assessment of the situation? What do we make of it? Does it reflect a deficit of understanding on Harry's part that forms part of our evaluation of his character?
Where I think we disagree, fundamentally, is in how we assess the range of possible responses to Snape-style hostility. I read you as suggesting that there are two options: escalating the confrontation, and "taking the high road" by ignoring the provocation.
But I don't think those options exhaust the possibilities or include the most effective strategies; I don't think that choice works. And it's an important issue, because confrontation is a fact of life, it's something people need to have an effective strategy for dealing with. To take your spouse example -- it would be kind of horrible, wouldn't it, if the only choices for dealing with conflict were to fester in silence or to escalate the confrontation? Clearly, a relationship is a situation where it's really important to get to the root of the conflict, to transform the conflict by talking and understanding and reflecting on the other person's viewpoint.
But the marriage example is maybe a bad one because everyone would agree that you need to go to extraordinary lengths to resolve differences there. Maybe a better case is your "boss" example. Because a boss has a great deal of license for Snapish behavior. And sometimes you can let it pass, or blow over, but sometimes you have to deal with it because otherwise it would just create an impossible situation if your boss made a contemptuous judgment about you and you let it stand. At the same time, a contest of "face," an escalation of the confrontation, isn't very smart either.
But there's a third choice, which I think you'd agree is perfectly normal and ordinary and happens all the time in effective resolution of problems between people. And that is to talk about the problem, to first stand your ground with self-respect but also to show respect for the other person's concern, and to sort of tactfully manage their reaction to whatever is bothering them. "Let's talk this out, let's get to the bottom of this. Here's what I think. Here's what I think you think. Can we work this out?" And you do this in a way that's not about face, that's not about competing for who's taking the high road, but that is genuinely oriented toward solving the problem. And again, this is a necessary skill, because confrontation happens all the time, and the person in a power position isn't always going to be the first one to be tactful about differences, so people have to come up with a constructive strategy for dealing with this sort of circumstance.
To take this back to Harry and Snape, there are a couple of issues.
First, you suggest that Harry has tried talking before, and it hasn't worked. But I don't agree that he has tried this. When he's "talked" to Snape in the past, he's basically just mouthed off. There's no acknowledgment that Snape has an issue with him, that needs dealing with.
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Date: 2006-01-19 07:23 am (UTC)First, I completely agree with your observations about Harry's take on the situation -- I think that's precisely what's going through his head, that he can't win, that he has nothing to gain by speaking. The question is -- is this an adequate assessment of the situation? What do we make of it? Does it reflect a deficit of understanding on Harry's part that forms part of our evaluation of his character?
Where I think we disagree, fundamentally, is in how we assess the range of possible responses to Snape-style hostility. I read you as suggesting that there are two options: escalating the confrontation, and "taking the high road" by ignoring the provocation.
But I don't think those options exhaust the possibilities or include the most effective strategies; I don't think that choice works. And it's an important issue, because confrontation is a fact of life, it's something people need to have an effective strategy for dealing with. To take your spouse example -- it would be kind of horrible, wouldn't it, if the only choices for dealing with conflict were to fester in silence or to escalate the confrontation? Clearly, a relationship is a situation where it's really important to get to the root of the conflict, to transform the conflict by talking and understanding and reflecting on the other person's viewpoint.
But the marriage example is maybe a bad one because everyone would agree that you need to go to extraordinary lengths to resolve differences there. Maybe a better case is your "boss" example. Because a boss has a great deal of license for Snapish behavior. And sometimes you can let it pass, or blow over, but sometimes you have to deal with it because otherwise it would just create an impossible situation if your boss made a contemptuous judgment about you and you let it stand. At the same time, a contest of "face," an escalation of the confrontation, isn't very smart either.
But there's a third choice, which I think you'd agree is perfectly normal and ordinary and happens all the time in effective resolution of problems between people. And that is to talk about the problem, to first stand your ground with self-respect but also to show respect for the other person's concern, and to sort of tactfully manage their reaction to whatever is bothering them. "Let's talk this out, let's get to the bottom of this. Here's what I think. Here's what I think you think. Can we work this out?" And you do this in a way that's not about face, that's not about competing for who's taking the high road, but that is genuinely oriented toward solving the problem. And again, this is a necessary skill, because confrontation happens all the time, and the person in a power position isn't always going to be the first one to be tactful about differences, so people have to come up with a constructive strategy for dealing with this sort of circumstance.
To take this back to Harry and Snape, there are a couple of issues.
First, you suggest that Harry has tried talking before, and it hasn't worked. But I don't agree that he has tried this. When he's "talked" to Snape in the past, he's basically just mouthed off. There's no acknowledgment that Snape has an issue with him, that needs dealing with.
[continued . . . ]