imaginary boxes are only suitable for mimes

[pauraque_bk]

Whoa! Um... I wrote a lot. About being transgendered, and specifically being happy about it. I don't know if anyone wants to read this! But here it is if you do.


I became consciously aware that I didn't want to be a girl when I was about 13. I know it's the Thing to present oneself as transgendered from birth -- a boy accidentally born a girl -- but that wasn't my experience. As a child I quite happily played with girl and boy stuff, and I have no stories of my parents disallowing me from playing with certain toys due to gender. If anything, gendered activities in either direction felt like "dress up" and no more real to me than running around pretending to be a bird or a pony or an alien (which I frequently did).

I had mostly girl friends, but that was because girls were who approached me. If anything, I felt Other. Always. When we played house and they picked who was mom, dad, and baby, I insisted on being the dog.

But as I said, by the time puberty hit I was uncomfortable enough with becoming a woman that I rejected it. I dressed to hide my sex, started going by a gender-neutral name, and told my close friends that I felt I was neither.

I actually knew there were people in the world who lived androgynously (thank you internet), and I really considered it. In some contexts online I did present myself as androgynous; this was before I was in fandom.

If androgyny were considered a real option in society, I probably would have chosen it. But I basically decided it was too damn hard. It was more of a battle than I was willing to fight.

But there was another option that did not seem too hard, and that was being male. I'm lucky to have grown up in the situation that I did, such that I did see that as a valid choice. Of course it's always hard, but if you have to do it, try to do it in San Francisco, is what I mean. There is support here and I availed myself of it. I was male full-time by 18 or 19, and not before that only because I couldn't do it in school (long story).

I myself kind of doubted that it would work. I didn't think I would be any happier. But I was. I was so much more comfortable. My relationships with everyone became much more normal and relaxed. I was able to hold a job. I had always been told that I was miserable because I was clinically depressed, but that proved to be utterly untrue; I was in fact miserable because I was trying to be a girl. I wouldn't believe it either if I hadn't experienced it.

I was astonishingly lucky to find a job where the hiring manager was also genderqueer (he was living female then but later went FTM), and was very sympathetic. But nonetheless this was a very sucky time because I didn't pass well, and wasn't on hormones because my mom didn't want me to -- before you rush to judge, I was living with her and she was dying of breast cancer. So I made that choice to accomodate her, hoping that she would grow to understand. I think given enough time she would have, but there were a lot of factors (and this is not a post about my relationship with my mom). She died before we settled it.

This was also the period when I began to be active in fandom, which of course is a very female-dominated space, so as a new person coming in I got a lot of probably undeserved attention because I was a boy. I didn't ask for it. You can possibly imagine what it felt like to see others occasionally get outed as being "really a girl" and "posing as a guy to get attention". Really, I don't know what the deal was with those people, whether they were FTM or questioning or what was happening. But it made me feel very trapped and unhappy in fandom, like if people knew "the truth" they would judge me very harshly. (Eventually I got fed up with that shit and outed myself, but that was much later and I was much less invested in what fandom thought of me then.)

After my mom died I was laid off from my job, and found myself unemployed and with enough money from the insurance to remain unemployed for a couple of years, so I went on hormones. I wish all trans people could transition without having to go to work or school at the same time, because my way was a lot easier... My only meaningful social contacts were online, so I pretty much got to experience the physical transformation without anyone watching that I didn't want to be watching.

When my then-doctor set me up with my prescription, he made a comment that surprised me, which was that this new venture seemed exciting, and might be "dare I say, fun". I wasn't exactly offended, but I was mystified. Being transgendered had never been fun. It was self-consciousness, fights with my mom, hatred from my dad, laughter from strangers. It was a disgust with my body that I admit I brought on myself. I berated myself that I would never be a real man, and therefore never good enough, not for me or anyone else.

I had actually put myself in an impossible trap: No one could love me because I was damaged and inadequate, and if they DID love me, there must have been something wrong with THEM. I'm not proud I thought this way, but I did.

So what went wrong?

For me, the box labeled F was a miserable trap. Escaping from it made me feel better. But what I did not realize for several years was that the box labeled M was a trap too.

I'm going to explain.

The thing I credit most with saving my sanity is reading Kate Bornstein's books. Ironically my dad gave me one of them ages ago, in one of his pretend-supportive moments. I wasn't ready to read it then -- I didn't believe what it was saying, which is that gender is so much more nuanced than those two stupid little boxes, and that transgendered people may kill themselves trying to measure up to what are in fact imaginary stereotypes.

Look at non-transgendered people -- imagine the women you know, the men you know. Do they all express their gender in the same way? One of Bornstein's examples that I loved was Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger -- both men, both masculine, certainly not feminine, but do they express their masculinity in the same way? There is no such thing as perfect gender expression or a perfect body, and aspiring to those things is a deadly trap.

This scared me and I wasn't ready to hear it. I -- and a lot of trans people -- invest SO MUCH in those little boxes. Our salvation!

In fact I've often felt trapped by the expectations of other trans people. There are still people who will really discourage you from accepting your feminine side (if you're FTM) or your masculine side (if you're MTF). More often people do this to themselves: It's nearly an expected part of the transition process that we go through a period of hypervigilance about being as MUCH the target gender as possible -- the stereotype of it, of course -- rather than as much ourselves as possible. Non-trans people all have masculine and feminine traits, why would trans people be different? (Of course there are issues with unlearning taught gendered behaviors that you may not want, which complicates matters, yadda yadda.)

Then there are political reasons that trans people pressure themselves and each other to conform to some imagined ideal... because we need an often uncomprehending society to give us rights. It is relatively easy to understand the concept of traveling from one box to the other, but not to understand that the boxes don't exist. We need them to believe that we are real, that gender dysphoria is real and lethal. It benefits us to present a simple, united front. But it does not benefit us to internalize these simplified beliefs.

I figured this out by reading and watching and listening, and by finally being in a healthy relationship with someone who loves me and does not use or manipulate me.

What I have found for me, personally, is that I need to identify as trans. It is not a "transitional" or temporary state of being, it is who I am and who I want to be. I am learning to cherish my experiences of gender that most people don't have. I'm learning to enjoy and cherish my body for what it is, the body of an FTM. Not an imperfect male body nor a mutilated female body, but my own particular and valid physical form.

I never imagined ten or even two years ago that this would be possible. I viewed being trans as a curse and a burden that would never be lifted. What a sad existence it was. But I'm getting better now.

Comments

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

Gender is ridiculously simplistic and ridiculously complicated, and it's great to hear that at least one person can pick their way through the minefield to a happier place. I never wanted to be female, but I never wanted to be male, either (maybe a Dalek, though!), so my body dissatisfaction took different forms entirely, and is still doing so (though slowly improving along with my health). Thank you for the link to Kate Bornstein - your post is so lucid that I now want to go and read the inspiration!

[pauraque]

I'm relieved you think it's lucid, I wasn't sure if I was making sense at all. :P I do recommend her books, even for those who are satisfied with their gender; they are good for freeing yourself of assumptions and learning to think critically about our perceptions of gender.

I'm glad things are getting better for you. If you have anything more to say about that, I'd read it!

[florahart]

One of Bornstein's examples that I loved was Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger -- both men, both masculine, certainly not feminine, but do they express their masculinity in the same way?

...am I supposed to be imagining them in their matching clothes in Twins? Because no, I totally see the point, but there's something slightly jarring about agreeing with how these are both persons which the system easily and clearly identifies as men despite the great difference, while also envisioning them being the same on purpose. Heh.

I really love this post, though, both because I am glad you feel better and are making your way, and because I think your point about the problems inherent in trying to force a binary system to work for something as complicated as people is one that needs talking about. Er, not that I mean you are in charge of talking about it all over everywhere, just, I think it's important for a whole lot of people who are fundamentally not particularly unhappy about their assigned side of the line, per se, but are unhappy or uncomfortable about ways in which the line is inflexible or ways in which gap spaces between the two sides of the line are ignored/unrecognized/denied or ways in which behavior or appearance which is perceived as being on the wrong side of the line is met.

Anyway. I love this post.

[pauraque]

I never saw Twins! I actually had utterly forgotten it existed. Haha.

unhappy or uncomfortable about ways in which the line is inflexible

Right, yes. As I said to lilacsigil, it benefits us all to think critically about what this immensely ingrained part of our culture *is* and how it works.

[exbentley]

Thankyou.

[pauraque]

Thanks for listening.

[sedesdraconis.livejournal.com]

Yay happy! It's awesome that you've been able to reach such a content place from such a difficult struggle.

Also, thanks for your thoughts. It's always great to learn in general, but also in particular, I'm playing a character right now that I'm really enjoying, but who is some degree of trans, and I've been having trouble figuring that out, exactly, not having had the experience, and this helps :)

[pauraque]

I have almost never written or played trans characters, which was probably due to negative feelings about my own experience; I just wanted to get away from it. Now that I'm happier, I'm finding myself more inspired to use this stuff in fiction.

A funny exception -- while I'm leveling WoW characters I usually make up a backstory for them to amuse myself during the grind, though I don't RP them, and for some reason I decided my belf warlock was MTF, and always thought of her as being so thereafter. Not that the topic really came up in raids. :)

[thimble-kiss.livejournal.com]

It's so good to hear that your experiences have brought you to a happier place. Not only accepting but enjoying who you are. That is, in fact, awesome. :) And that a complex situation doesn't by necessity have to remain excruciatingly complicated to deal with, always.

(And so much yay for love. Love really helps!)

I remember how you instantly became The Boy when you joined the Harem, and of course we fussed a bit extra over you because of that, but mostly, I think, because you were all droll and wry and cute about it. <3 It's easy in hindsight to understand the worry about exposure, of course. But I must admit that I can't even remember the point at which you 'outed' yourself, by now.

[pauraque]

Yeah, in the Harem is certainly where it started, though it wasn't such a big deal to me there because it was a small group and I was readily accepted.

In HP it got harder to take because there was a lot more actual discussion about whether fandom was, or should be, female space... Boys in HP were subjected to a curious mixture of adulation and hostility, I found. They were viewed as some kind of window into the male psyche (important because of m/m slash), yet also as intruders and often objects of obvious jealousy over the extra attention they got.

Sometimes this took the form of spreading rumors or outright accusing fandom boys of being women. (The very concept of a group of women "accusing" someone of the crime of being one of them, it hurts my brain... I wonder if they ever caught how self-loathing those accusations really were?)

And there were other people who appeared to be genderqueer or presented their gender in an unusual way, which also produced that mixed attraction-revulsion reaction from fandom as a whole. As far as I know I always "passed" in fandom, nobody ever questioned my gender within my hearing. I outed myself in an LJ post after there was a big wank about some female-acting-as-male-online thing, but that was after my really active period in HP fandom as I recall.

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

Those fandom people they have it backwards ... you are really, and simply, who you are, you get to say, not them. Everything else is a societal mask. It may change, evolve, as it may with any being, but stay true to yourself, always.

[pauraque]

I agree. I certainly have struggled with believing it in the past. (And the point about one's self evolving is very apt.)

[tekalynn.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this. *hug*

[pauraque]

Thanks for reading it. I figure you must have other trans people in your life because of some of the things you've said. I actually thought you were trans for a while, because of that, though allies are equally awesome of course. :D

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

I know you didn't write this for me, that it's not your "job" to educate me, but I thank you for it anyway. Excellent navel gazing.

{{{hugs you}}}

[pauraque]

it's not your "job" to educate me

A very relevant point, and one I had trouble with in the past. Members of unprivileged groups have to put up with this all the time -- the expectation that they can or will somehow speak for their entire group. Aaaaaaack.

I wrote this for myself and posted it because I thought it might be interesting to others. It does make a difference. :D

Hugs!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you shared this. (And it gives me something else to draw upon when I discuss my advocacy regarding intersex individuals, too.)

[pauraque]

Ooh, that's quite an interesting topic too. Are you going to discuss it somewhere I can read it?

[gmth.livejournal.com]

This is a great post, thank you. I'm glad you got to a happier place, and hopefully it will just keep getting better for you from here. *hugs*

[pauraque]

Thank you! *hugsback*

[vikingcarrot.livejournal.com]

As has been said above, this is a great post, and thank you for sharing it.

[pauraque]

Thanks for reading it!

[lolaraincoat.livejournal.com]

You rock!

[pauraque]

Occasionally! (You rock too.)

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this. May I show it to my kid, who's 13 and seems to be going through some similar stuff?

[pauraque]

Sure, of course with the caveat that I just speak for myself, not all trans folks everywhere.

It's actually happened before that folks have told me their kid had gender issues, and I wish there was a good book I could recommend that's aimed at kids/teens. Maybe there is one and I just haven't come across it.

If Kid wants to say anything back to me, that's fine too.

[aubrem.livejournal.com]

Do you mind if I ask questions? Ignore, if you'd rather I didn't.

I respect transgenderness but I still have troubles understanding it - mostly for reasons you sort of touch on above. I see gender as the anatomy, not the behaviour. There are all sorts of women, including ones who look and act very stereotypically masculine. Would being that sort of woman have worked for you? Or is there something deeper about gender than the anatomy?

I'm all for people living their life however they want but it just seemed to me a person can do that these days within the body they were born with. Not that they should *have* to, but rather they shouldn't need to put themselves through all of that. As someone on the outside who had no real understanding, it looks to me like the rejection of a role, a type of behavior, which is artificial anyway and could just be ignored.

Or maybe there is a real difference in gender - what do the feminists say about transgenderedness, I wonder - the feminists who argue against biological detemination. Oddly, I argue against myself here because I do think there are some basic differences between the genders, very generally speaking.

Sorry to go on, but this subject is important I think. Gender touches us all.

[alchemia.livejournal.com]

speaking only for myself here, since transfolk all have different experiences-

gender and physical sex are often interchanged but they define different things. I'll just leave that to wikipedia or other commenters though, as im in a hurry.

for me, being trans is biological (and IMHO a form of intersex). Since I was allowed to play with what I wanted, and dress like I wanted as a kid, i didn't have the typical narrative pauraque mentioned either. But early on, I knew my body wasn't right. The first narratives I actually identified with, but couldn't explain why, was that of soldiers who had amputations and experienced phantom limb syndrome. When puberty hit, I became depressed to the point of being suicidal, but again, couldn't explain why. nothing had changed except for the hormones in my body (before changes really start to take place), but I didn't understand that at the time.

Surgery has helped me by making my body match the body-map my brain has (this is biological, not social). Hormones instantly made my depression go away. If I forget them or take them late my mood goes downhill fast. I haven't changed the way I dress, act, etc. I only change the physical body- it is treating a medical/biological condition.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I was always the dog too.:-D

I didn't believe what it was saying, which is that gender is so much more nuanced than those two stupid little boxes, and that transgendered people may kill themselves trying to measure up to what are in fact imaginary stereotypes.

OMG, this. I feel like gender is just this maelstrom of complicated and completely imaginary things. People walk around telling themselves it's all very simple, but when ever anybody gets close to revealing the truth of how much of it is made up of things that we need to believe the reaction is almost violent. Though those feelings are real, too, which is why we really can't just dismiss them as things people need to get over. (I mean, if that were true nobody would need to transition no matter what they're body--for whatever reason it usually does mean something.) Even non-trans people tell themselves and others about the way they're supposed to be, either jokingly or seriously. It doesn't surprise me at all that the trans community does the same thing, especially when trying to get acceptance.

I remember reading a book about a number of issues like this and the transvestites were almost the weirdest, always talking about getting in touch with their "feminine side" when in fact they were almost comically masculine and conservative in their lives and relationships to women. They just also liked to wear dresses.

I never imagined ten or even two years ago that this would be possible. I viewed being trans as a curse and a burden that would never be lifted. What a sad existence it was.

It's not a situation for wimps, certainly.

[pauraque]

I remember reading a book about a number of issues like this and the transvestites were almost the weirdest, always talking about getting in touch with their "feminine side" when in fact they were almost comically masculine and conservative in their lives and relationships to women. They just also liked to wear dresses.

Before I transitioned I was in a trans support group (which was a rather important part of my story that I skipped). It was a small and very good group. For a while we were joined by a person who wasn't sure what he wanted to be, but he liked to wear dresses. We had a LOT of interesting discussions about the differences and intersections between identity, physical comfort, and sexuality, and just what the heck do clothes mean anyway? I wish now that I had transcripts of some of those conversations!

Eventually he decided it was okay for him to be a dude who wore dresses. That was pretty much the only real contact that I've had with male crossdressers of that sort, who are certainly vastly different than drag queens (of whom I know many). It is quite the interesting topic, and one that is rarely trotted out in fandom... People like to put Draco in a dress, but because they think it's pretty, not because they want to explore what it means to him.

[aybara-max.livejournal.com]

When we played house and they picked who was mom, dad, and baby, I insisted on being the dog.

Not meant to be funny I know, but this made me giggle a bit, mostly because when I was little I was always the dad or the boyfriend in games so your take surprised/amused me.

I'm glad you are feeling comfortable and confident enough now to make a post like this, thank you for sharing. I actually started this journal the year I first started learning about FTMs and thinking that made sense to me. (I played a very silly FTM Millicent Bulstrode in an harry potter rpg online, but it was mostly silly as a self-insertion character). Part of me thinks that environment will make a big difference, I keep thinking if I move to Boston or Portland, OR I will have the opportunity to figure out if I really am trans or just butch. Equally likely.

Sorry to babble. I adore Kate Bornstein, I've only read My Gender Workbook so far and I loved the Gender Pyramid with the imaginary "perfectly gendered" (and perfectly privileged) person at the top.

[pauraque]

When I was in grade school I was the dog, but when I got into early middle school I would sometimes play the male role in make-believe too.

Interesting thing about me, I'm actually not butch. I've always felt more aligned with gay guys than any other group -- culturally/expressively -- though I have always been bi and more inclined towards women. There are other FTMs like me, and indeed FTMs who are gay men, but we appear to be the minority (in an already statistically teensy group). It seems most FTMs come from the lesbian community, which can raise a loooooot of issues for them and their partners... but that could be a post in itself.

The Gender Pyramid! Yes! Kate Bornstein pairs well with Tim Wise for reading about privilege; a great deal of what he has to say can be readily applied to all social privilege, not only racial. They are similarly gifted at cutting through the bullshit and teaching critical thinking skills.

You haven't babbled, I appreciate your thoughts. :)

[asphodeline.livejournal.com]

This has been really interesting to read and clearly set out. I don't hold much by genders. I don't like being female but I don't particularly want to be male either, I just want to be me.

Thank you for the link too. One of the best things about the internet (for me) is that I can get to learn something of a person without knowing their gender or race etc., etc. and I find that truly liberating.

[pauraque]

It is interesting how many women I've heard say they don't like being female! Often connected with health problems, discomfort of menstruation, etc. Whereas I can't remember a man ever saying, even jokingly, that he didn't like being male. (Outside the context of actually being transgendered, of course.)

I get what you're saying about meeting people's minds online without knowing their gender or race... it's something I've said too. The only sense in which I disagree is that a person's experience is highly influenced by "who they are" in the physical world, and absence of that context may inhibit understanding.

Before I had come out online, I sometimes saw discussions where I could have contributed something, but what I wanted to share was dependent on my history as a transgendered person, so I didn't say anything. Of course that was a closet of my own making. But it certainly makes me look at the "brains in a vacuum" aspect of online conversations differently.

[caesia390.livejournal.com]

Yay!

I am happy that you are happy!

I don't really have anything more sophisticated to say than that. :)

[pauraque]

Support doesn't have to be sophisticated to feel very nice. Thank you. :)

[bowdlerized.livejournal.com]

<333 I am so glad that you are happy!

[pauraque]

Yay happy!

[mimine.livejournal.com]

I figured this out by reading and watching and listening, and by finally being in a healthy relationship with someone who loves me and does not use or manipulate me.

This gives me the warm fuzzies all over :)

Thank you for this post and this peak into your life. I have no prayer of ever understanding what this has been for you but I'm glad to read it from your perspective.

What you are saying about the fandom's fetishization of males and male sockpuppets (cockpuppets?) is pretty interesting. I don't know why you think that if you had "outted" yourself then we (the fandom hive mind) would have judged you harshly. Is it because people were unhappy about the fake males and we were likely to hang on to all the other "males" as hard as we could?

I feel very distanced from that time and even then my fandom participation had never been as large as yours. I can understand if you'd rather not elaborate or discuss this further (and my English is going to the dogs these days so I wouldn't blame you if you're not sure what I'm even on about...)

[pauraque]

Is it because people were unhappy about the fake males and we were likely to hang on to all the other "males" as hard as we could?

Yeah, that's why I anticipated a negative response. And to be fair, it wasn't that I anticipated a negative response from individual people I knew, but as you say, the "hive mind". I was getting bad vibes from the frequent drama over "fake men" or whatever was happening there.

Your English sounds fine!

[idlerat.livejournal.com]

What a journey! Congratulations, hugs, and wishes for joy & wisdom in whatever may lie ahead.

[pauraque]

*hugs*

[saddle_tramp]

Thank you for posting this.

I wish that I had lived in such an accepting place when I was growing up. These days no one tries to make me change, but from the earliest time I can remember I was ... well, not so much forced, just very strongly encouraged to try to act more like a girl. I was one of those poor unfortunates stuck in a very religious family that insisted on supervising every moment of my life because I wasn't normal and they were afraid I might be 'one of those', and they sheltered me so completely I didn't even know why kids sometimes called me 'dyke'. I have always been very bad at being a girl, and I hated that I tried so hard and yet failed so miserably to please my mom. I just couldn't act in a way that was supposed to be as natural as breathing, and I hated myself because I was such a failure.

Until I was twenty-two I believed that Mom was right and I just needed to try harder to be 'ladylike', but I finally gave up on making her happy then, and pretty much gave up on my life too as I withdrew from the whole world. I stumbled into fandom late one night a couple years later and the rest, as they say, is history. I'm thirty-three now and in love with a gorgeous girl who keeps me sane even though she lives 500 miles away, and she's given me a reason to live again. I'm not very good at being female, but I'm not male no matter how much I think like a guy, and I've accepted me as I am. I can be me now whether anyone else approves of it or not, though I am very glad to say my mother has accepted me and so has my brother. I may be much too butch to pass as a 'lady' and not male enough to be a guy, but my girl loves me, and my mom and my big brother love me, so I must be doing something right.

Even though I've finally accepted myself, it's still always very nice to read a post like this one and know that I'm not the only one who doesn't fit into any of the boxes. I've finally learned that the folks you meet living outside the boxes are more fun, but it was a long painful road to get here and it always makes my day to read that someone else had an easier time of it. :-)

[saddle_tramp]

And I just realized this makes it sound like I think your road was easy. *facepalms* I'm not saying that at all, or making light of your struggle to get to where you are.

What I meant by saying you had an easier time is that I am so very glad that not everyone who is different grows up feeling alone and completely worthless like I did. I was ignorant as can be that I had any other option than trying to make myself into what the world wanted of me, and I nearly killed myself over it more than once because I just could not be that proper little lady my mom wanted so badly and I thought I couldn't ever possibly be happy unless I forced myself into that mold.

[scarah2.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you linked this again because I read it the day you posted it and wanted to reply but I wanted to think about it a bit more, then of course it completely slipped my mind.

First, I'm really glad you're doing so well. :D

Also, I can't help but be struck by how much of this I can totally relate to. I was born a girl and I have long hair and wear dresses but I struggle daily with getting others to accept so many aspects of my interests, skills, and way of thinking that are traditionally considered "male." Danny and Arnold indeed!

[pauraque]

Oh, totally. Puts me in mind of a MTF friend of mine who studies math and works with computers, and is much more a jeans-and-t-shirt girl than a lipstick-and-dresses girl, and is a lesbian as well, prompting some unkind questions from some about why she couldn't just be a guy. My answer to that would be that I know plenty of non-trans women who could be described the same way, so do you expect them to become men because they're not "girly" enough for you? Oy...

coming late to the party

[gorious.livejournal.com]

For me, the box labeled F was a miserable trap. Escaping from it made me feel better. But what I did not realize for several years was that the box labeled M was a trap too.

You are so delightfully articulate; I love it.


If androgyny were considered a real option in society, I probably would have chosen it. But I basically decided it was too damn hard.

It's amazing how much it can freak people out when you straddle the line between male and female. You can literally see ~~their minds being blown~~ as they desperately try to compartmentalize you into box A or B. Which is why sometimes I wish I had the courage to go down the path to hormones or surgery. And yet sometimes I like the freedom of telling society's boxes to go fuck themselves.

Thank-you for reminding me of the existence of Kate Bornstein. I keep meaning to read "Gender Outlaw", yet I keep forgetting.

[odogoddess.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing. I wanted to comment when you first posted, but completely forgot and I found the link in one of my old "to do" lists I was going through prior to deleting.

I have gender issues of my own and your post really speaks to me. That's basically all I wanted to say (hardly worth bothering, eh?) *hugs you*