I was just thinking just as I clicked the link that in the short excerpts you've shared so far, the writing has seemed kind of dry to me. But this piece... it's arresting. And via video game chat, no less.
The only thing that pulled me out a little was "oh em gee" and "true facts" - accurate, but kind of silly to read. But on the other hand, breaking up the mood was kind of the point...
When you finish, I think you should consider editing & polishing it - the universe would benefit from something like this being published. :}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-11-17 02:45 am (UTC)The only thing that pulled me out a little was "oh em gee" and "true facts" - accurate, but kind of silly to read. But on the other hand, breaking up the mood was kind of the point...
When you finish, I think you should consider editing & polishing it - the universe would benefit from something like this being published. :}