pauraque_bk: (peter pettigrew)
[personal profile] pauraque_bk
Mom's back from hospital, should be okay. Her medication was exacerbating her heart condition, was what it was. Hugs to everyone who offered support.

[livejournal.com profile] chresimos, I'm sorry I was short with you; I was just frustrated that I couldn't get in touch with one of my co-workers.

I couldn't get to the hospital for the longest time because of work responsibilities -- if I hadn't been there, a bunch of paychecks would have bounced, and I decided I couldn't do that to my employees, knowing that at least one of them was in danger of being evicted due to late and bounced checks (my boss's fault) in the past. Still, I felt horrible for not being with her right away.

I also had to pay $70 for her prescription, because the insurance was wonky. Hurray.




I couldn't sleep much last night, so I rented a movie, "Naked". I've wanted to see this for ages -- Mike Leigh is my favorite director -- but somehow kept putting it off. In retrospect, I'm glad I saved it until I'd seen quite a lot of his other work, because it ended up seeming like a natural progression.

I saw "Life is Sweet" when I was quite young... it was probably too mature for me, but I managed to digest it. Same with "Secrets and Lies". Those two are both insular, about families, about things most people can relate to. About people who are trying to be kind to each other. Often failing, but trying. Some of these people are sort of making it in the world; their battles are against themselves and each other, not against the wolf at the door.

It was years later that I saw "All or Nothing", which opens up more of the world... you meet more people, families and broken pieces of families. There's more awareness of the forces of society, the dangers, the possibility of destruction. These people are so alone for the majority of the movie, dealing with all the small indignities that break them down alone, alone. She's brittle and sharp like a bird, she deflects what comes at her, though it chips into her every time. His sad dog eyes just swallow and swallow and he can't speak, he can't declare himself as an observer, allow himself to exist. It takes them seemingly forever to be able to touch each other again, to feel, to breathe -- but it happens, overwhelmingly subtle. This is one of the few movies that has ever made me cry.

"Naked" did not make me cry. It's nothing at all like the quiet desperation of "All or Nothing" -- these people do nothing but express, though almost never with emotion. Johnny cloaks himself with verses riddles words words words and batters people with them relentlessly, and fucks them relentlessly. Like trying to tenderly touch a lover's face while wearing boxing gloves: Impossible. Numb. Liable to hurt someone.

These people are also alone, and they stay alone. There are no families. Only fleeting-spiderweb connections, so easily pulled apart.

Overlaid on the psychological desperation is the very real threat of physical harm -- a rape by someone who's-- who's barely human, and refuses to leave, a lingering, incomprehensible demon lying half-naked and casual on a couch that isn't his.

And we find ourselves wanting Johnny to come back... to do something, to protect them. To talk the demon out of existence (exorcism). But he can't, when confronted with this evil angel (ivory statue, touches his hand, so different from Johnny's too-real naked skin and bones), he breaks and cries and then curls up to sleep. Wordless.

And more than the others, this movie is about the world. How it goes on, how it ends.

This movie is absorbing to the point of hypnosis. Johnny repulses you and draws you in, and ends up just clutching you by the throat at arm's length. David Thewlis is inconceivably brilliant in this role.

That said... this movie isn't for everyone; it was left unrated in America to avoid the dreaded NC-17. I've consumed more disturbing stories than this one, but only in fanfic. Actually, fandom people might be particularly well-equipped to appreciate this story -- it has the breathless experimental taste of fic that's brutal and unflinching and full of sex that isn't porn, isn't erotica, isn't rape, isn't consenting -- defies categorization. You don't normally see this kind of story outside of fic, or at least I never have.

But if you think you're the type who can handle it, I'd give this movie my highest recommendation.

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