Fic a Week 36, Nano excerpt 4
Nov. 22nd, 2009 09:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pauraque_bkAt 35k+, I have adopted a new title: Annoying Things That Really Happened, More Or Less, Grrr.
++
As she is walking down the empty hallway to her third period class, she hears the click click click of high heeled shoes, and Miss Kelley appears around the corner.
"Oh, Robin," she says in her squeaky, breathy little voice. "I was just coming to look for you."
"Why?" Robin asks warily, pausing outside the door. She stands easily a head taller than the counselor now.
"I just thought you might want to talk about what happened with Archana." Miss Kelley makes that wretched little sympathetic look she gets, and nods meaninglessly.
Robin hesitates. This is a lesser of two evils situation, for sure. But if they already sent Miss Kelley to talk to her, then probably everyone else knows too. Maybe coming to school at all was a mistake, maybe she should take this chance to get out of class now that she's here. How bad could talking to her be? It's just talking.
"Okay," Robin says.
It has been a long time since Robin has been in the counselor's office. Not since some boy spat in her hair while he was walking by, and she came to complain. Miss Kelley had offered to talk to his homeroom teacher, and told Robin that everybody gets teased. Now Robin sits down, and Miss Kelley sits down across from her, scooting the swivel chair closer to her, clasping her hands between her knees and leaning inward.
"I know you're not feeling well today," Miss Kelley says, "but I'm so glad you decided to come to school anyway. When I heard Archana attempted suicide, I really wanted to talk to you and see how you were doing."
"Really?" Robin warns herself silently not to fall for it, not to be that gullible.
"Well, I know you must be really upset, being Archana's boyfriend."
Robin flinches. "I'm not-- She's not my girlfriend. We're just friends."
"Oh! I'm sorry, I just saw you together so much, I assumed you were boyfriend and girlfriend. But I'm sure you must be very upset anyway," she recovers lamely.
"Well, yeah..."
"Okay, uh-huh..." Again, the meaningless nod.
"I was very surprised," Robin says, beginning to feel vaguely accused, though she isn't sure of what. "I didn't see it coming at all."
The nodding turns to shaking. "No, no, of course no one expects you would have seen it coming. It's not your fault."
"No..."
"You know," Miss Kelley goes on, "when Bryan died last year-- do you remember?-- we were able to have some group sessions with students who knew him, so everybody could get a chance to talk about their feelings about what happened with other kids who would understand." She laces her fingers together as though this will help Robin understand what a 'group' is.
"Archana isn't dead. Are you expecting she's going to be?" A panicked little laugh-sob escapes Robin's lips.
"Oh no, no no no." Miss Kelley reaches over and pats Robin's knee; she wants to pull away. "I didn't mean that at all. I was just hoping maybe you could tell me who some of her other friends were, so we could touch base with them too, and see how they're doing. Okay?" She cocks her head and nods.
"I'd have to think about it," Robin hedges.
"Uh-huh, okay... Have you had a chance to see her yet?"
"No. I went to the hospital with her dad, but they wouldn't let me in. Do you think they would if I went back today?"
"I really don't know that..."
Well, what good are you, then? Robin wants to yell.
"You must have been talking to her dad," Robin presses. "Didn't he tell you when she'd probably be back at school?"
Miss Kelley hesitates. "She probably won't be back for some time."
"Why? I thought they just had to pump her stomach. Is it worse than that?" Could she still die?
"No, no, nothing like that. But you know, when someone attempts suicide, they can be considered a risk to themselves, and they may have to be kept somewhere secure for a while, for their own safety."
"Somewhere secure?" Robin echoes incredulously, the bottom of her stomach dropping out.
Miss Kelley holds out her hands as though trying to fend off a vicious dog. Her fake soothing tone is making Robin want to punch her in the face. "Now, don't think this is worse than it is. Even though she's 18, she can still be in a wing with the adolescents and not the adults. Her father is obviously very familiar with the mental health care system, and he's making sure she's getting the treatment she needs."
"She doesn't need *treatment*," Robin snaps. "She's not crazy, she's just a normal person who was in a bad place and she did something she didn't mean..."
Miss Kelley smiles painfully. "You don't really know that, though, do you? You can't read her mind."
"Neither can you!"
"I know. That's why we have to go by what people do, and not what they say. What people say doesn't always tell the whole story, does it?"
Robin is stunned into silence for a moment. "No," she says finally.
Miss Kelley sits back as if she has won a debate. "No. So you can see Mr. Rail really didn't have much of a choice in the matter." She nods.
"Is anybody going to be able to even visit her?" Robin asks, wincing at the edge of desperation in her own voice.
"Oh yes, I would think so," Miss Kelley answers brightly, as though this makes it all better somehow. "It's important for people who are in treatment to know that the outside world is still there for them when they're ready to be released."
Robin can't even wrap her mind around this, it is so-- she can't even think it. Crazy. This is a dystopia, surely, a dream, and she will wake up. "Do you have any idea, like... what a day there is like? At the place where she's going?"
"I don't really know the details of that," Miss Kelley says.
"Well, you sure have a lot of fucking opinions about it for someone who doesn't actually seem to know anything," Robin says out loud, and then draws in a sharp breath, amazed at herself. Her and Miss Kelley's shocked reactions are mirrored, she thinks, neither of them quite believing what they have just heard.
She stands up abruptly, making Miss Kelley scoot her chair back hard, looking up at Robin with deerlike fearfulness. What, is she afraid Robin is going to hurt her? Maybe they should lock her up too, maybe she is a danger...
"I don't feel well," Robin says flatly. "I have to go home."
The nodding, having briefly frozen, now returns. "Oh-- okay, okay... Just stop by the office and let them know you're leaving campus?" Her squeaky little voice is enraging Robin right now, and she grabs the door handle, roughly pulls it open, and slams the door behind her.
As she stalks off down the hall, she is almost blind. She makes a fist and slams it with unthinking adrenaline force into a locker, which makes an echoing metallic boom that is like a bomb going off, and sends a shock of visceral fear through her body. There is actually a little dent in the locker door, and as she turns and half runs away, the delayed reaction, the wave of pain, sears up through her hand and her wrist. She grabs her fist with the other hand, wondering with some hysteria if she has broken something.
The classroom doors open all down the hall, heads poking out to see what that noise was, surely, and Robin just blocks them out, just looks right in front of her, and not at their curious faces.
++
As she is walking down the empty hallway to her third period class, she hears the click click click of high heeled shoes, and Miss Kelley appears around the corner.
"Oh, Robin," she says in her squeaky, breathy little voice. "I was just coming to look for you."
"Why?" Robin asks warily, pausing outside the door. She stands easily a head taller than the counselor now.
"I just thought you might want to talk about what happened with Archana." Miss Kelley makes that wretched little sympathetic look she gets, and nods meaninglessly.
Robin hesitates. This is a lesser of two evils situation, for sure. But if they already sent Miss Kelley to talk to her, then probably everyone else knows too. Maybe coming to school at all was a mistake, maybe she should take this chance to get out of class now that she's here. How bad could talking to her be? It's just talking.
"Okay," Robin says.
It has been a long time since Robin has been in the counselor's office. Not since some boy spat in her hair while he was walking by, and she came to complain. Miss Kelley had offered to talk to his homeroom teacher, and told Robin that everybody gets teased. Now Robin sits down, and Miss Kelley sits down across from her, scooting the swivel chair closer to her, clasping her hands between her knees and leaning inward.
"I know you're not feeling well today," Miss Kelley says, "but I'm so glad you decided to come to school anyway. When I heard Archana attempted suicide, I really wanted to talk to you and see how you were doing."
"Really?" Robin warns herself silently not to fall for it, not to be that gullible.
"Well, I know you must be really upset, being Archana's boyfriend."
Robin flinches. "I'm not-- She's not my girlfriend. We're just friends."
"Oh! I'm sorry, I just saw you together so much, I assumed you were boyfriend and girlfriend. But I'm sure you must be very upset anyway," she recovers lamely.
"Well, yeah..."
"Okay, uh-huh..." Again, the meaningless nod.
"I was very surprised," Robin says, beginning to feel vaguely accused, though she isn't sure of what. "I didn't see it coming at all."
The nodding turns to shaking. "No, no, of course no one expects you would have seen it coming. It's not your fault."
"No..."
"You know," Miss Kelley goes on, "when Bryan died last year-- do you remember?-- we were able to have some group sessions with students who knew him, so everybody could get a chance to talk about their feelings about what happened with other kids who would understand." She laces her fingers together as though this will help Robin understand what a 'group' is.
"Archana isn't dead. Are you expecting she's going to be?" A panicked little laugh-sob escapes Robin's lips.
"Oh no, no no no." Miss Kelley reaches over and pats Robin's knee; she wants to pull away. "I didn't mean that at all. I was just hoping maybe you could tell me who some of her other friends were, so we could touch base with them too, and see how they're doing. Okay?" She cocks her head and nods.
"I'd have to think about it," Robin hedges.
"Uh-huh, okay... Have you had a chance to see her yet?"
"No. I went to the hospital with her dad, but they wouldn't let me in. Do you think they would if I went back today?"
"I really don't know that..."
Well, what good are you, then? Robin wants to yell.
"You must have been talking to her dad," Robin presses. "Didn't he tell you when she'd probably be back at school?"
Miss Kelley hesitates. "She probably won't be back for some time."
"Why? I thought they just had to pump her stomach. Is it worse than that?" Could she still die?
"No, no, nothing like that. But you know, when someone attempts suicide, they can be considered a risk to themselves, and they may have to be kept somewhere secure for a while, for their own safety."
"Somewhere secure?" Robin echoes incredulously, the bottom of her stomach dropping out.
Miss Kelley holds out her hands as though trying to fend off a vicious dog. Her fake soothing tone is making Robin want to punch her in the face. "Now, don't think this is worse than it is. Even though she's 18, she can still be in a wing with the adolescents and not the adults. Her father is obviously very familiar with the mental health care system, and he's making sure she's getting the treatment she needs."
"She doesn't need *treatment*," Robin snaps. "She's not crazy, she's just a normal person who was in a bad place and she did something she didn't mean..."
Miss Kelley smiles painfully. "You don't really know that, though, do you? You can't read her mind."
"Neither can you!"
"I know. That's why we have to go by what people do, and not what they say. What people say doesn't always tell the whole story, does it?"
Robin is stunned into silence for a moment. "No," she says finally.
Miss Kelley sits back as if she has won a debate. "No. So you can see Mr. Rail really didn't have much of a choice in the matter." She nods.
"Is anybody going to be able to even visit her?" Robin asks, wincing at the edge of desperation in her own voice.
"Oh yes, I would think so," Miss Kelley answers brightly, as though this makes it all better somehow. "It's important for people who are in treatment to know that the outside world is still there for them when they're ready to be released."
Robin can't even wrap her mind around this, it is so-- she can't even think it. Crazy. This is a dystopia, surely, a dream, and she will wake up. "Do you have any idea, like... what a day there is like? At the place where she's going?"
"I don't really know the details of that," Miss Kelley says.
"Well, you sure have a lot of fucking opinions about it for someone who doesn't actually seem to know anything," Robin says out loud, and then draws in a sharp breath, amazed at herself. Her and Miss Kelley's shocked reactions are mirrored, she thinks, neither of them quite believing what they have just heard.
She stands up abruptly, making Miss Kelley scoot her chair back hard, looking up at Robin with deerlike fearfulness. What, is she afraid Robin is going to hurt her? Maybe they should lock her up too, maybe she is a danger...
"I don't feel well," Robin says flatly. "I have to go home."
The nodding, having briefly frozen, now returns. "Oh-- okay, okay... Just stop by the office and let them know you're leaving campus?" Her squeaky little voice is enraging Robin right now, and she grabs the door handle, roughly pulls it open, and slams the door behind her.
As she stalks off down the hall, she is almost blind. She makes a fist and slams it with unthinking adrenaline force into a locker, which makes an echoing metallic boom that is like a bomb going off, and sends a shock of visceral fear through her body. There is actually a little dent in the locker door, and as she turns and half runs away, the delayed reaction, the wave of pain, sears up through her hand and her wrist. She grabs her fist with the other hand, wondering with some hysteria if she has broken something.
The classroom doors open all down the hall, heads poking out to see what that noise was, surely, and Robin just blocks them out, just looks right in front of her, and not at their curious faces.
