august fourth.

[pauraque_bk]

One year ago today, my mother died.

Sort of goes without saying that this has been one of the hardest years of my life. It would have been a lot harder without my friends, though, online and off.

It's been good having fandom, always having somewhere to rant and write and theorize and escape. I never felt like leaving fandom, because -- maybe this is weird -- it's one of the most stable things I have to hold onto. No matter what happens, you're always here.

I don't really know what else to say. It's hard. It's hard every day. I miss her.

Comments

[melusina]

You're in my thoughts today.

[florahart]

I remember. It's hard to believe it's been a year. I imagine this date will always be hard for you, but perhaps today it will help to think that this is the only first time you have to get through this anniversary. All the rest of them, you will have already made it through at least once, you know?

[norah.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Fandom can be such sustenance - I'm glad it/we have been there for you.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I had no idea it was only a year. You seem to be handling things so well (in terms of taking care of your brother, etc.) I assumed you'd had more time to get used to it. I hope it doesn't sound too twee to say she would be proud of you, but I can't help thinking she would be.

I'll be thinking of you today.

[atdelphi.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight*

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Hugs to you, sweetie.

[gmth.livejournal.com]

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hannelore/]

Thinking of you, dear friend. *warm hugs*


And amen to fandom. Amen, amen. It is hard every day.

[k2daisy.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking of you.

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

It's always hard, even when you start to get used to it (actually that might be harder). Thinking of you, anyway *hugs*

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

Funny, how a year passes- and yet, you sometimes find yourself doing things in a way that make you think "Oh, but they are going to love this!"

*hugs*

[skywaterblue.livejournal.com]

Sigh. I want to give you a hug but you're not in the room at the moment.

[lycoris.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* I'm thinking of you.

[noblerot.livejournal.com]

Dude.

[bowdlerized.livejournal.com]

I am thinking of you.

[starpaint.livejournal.com]

*hugs* to you.

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

{{hugs you hard}}

[vikingcarrot.livejournal.com]

*hug o' doom*

[asphodeline.livejournal.com]

No matter what happens, you're always here

we are and that's what males this place so special. Hard to believe that is a whole year ago.

*hugs*

[bardsmaid.livejournal.com]

I'd forgotten it had been a whole year... but then I'm forgetting quite a bit these days in my current hecticness (just sold the house; am leaving for Oregon tomorrow to scout out new digs.)

I'm so glad your mom was a good enough part of your life to be worth missing. Not everyone is. That said, I know well what the ache is like. {{{hugs to you}}}

[veryshortlist.livejournal.com]

Hi. I know you don't know me, but I'd like to say, basically hang in there, and good luck.

[threeoranges.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[misentropic.livejournal.com]

I know I'm just a lurker, but for what it's worth, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Be well.

[liebchen127.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are with you.

[kaysha.livejournal.com]

I agree with florahart - it's hard to believe it's been a year.
*hugs* to you.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Am sorry, Eo. You don't get over, no matter what they pretend. You just get used to.

[muridae-x.livejournal.com]

I guess there isn't really anything that you can say, because it's mostly about feeling.

{{{{Eo}}}}

Sending good thoughts in your direction.

[jheaton.livejournal.com]

It's been seven years and change for me, and it's still not easy. It gets less hard as time passes, but I still miss her, and I can't imagine ever not missing her.

Your observations about fandom aren't weird. My participation in various online communities and the friendships I've formed therefrom have sustained me through quite a few rough patches in the eleven years (!) I've been online.

[pauraque]

Thank you.

[pauraque]

It's been a whole year of firsts -- first Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday... This is just the capper.

[pauraque]

Me too. *hugs*

[pauraque]

Thank you.

[pauraque]

*hugs*

[pauraque]

*hugs back*

[pauraque]

Thank you, I appreciate it.

[(Anonymous)]

Glad I stopped by...

Like other people, I find it strange to think that it's been a year already; personally, from what I've seen, you've dealt with it very well, especially with all of the other things that you've had to deal with at the same time (such as taking care of your brother). I can only hope that it becomes easier over time, and that the good memories will outweigh the bad.

Eo, please know that my thoughts are with you today; take care, :-)

p@,
Glenn

[maidenjedi]

::::::::hugs:::::::::

luv you, eo.

[mariagoner.livejournal.com]

I don't really know what to say because I've been fortunate never to have suffered a loss as severe as yours. But I really think you're one of the strongest people I know to do what you're doing now in terms of your life and I only hope our crazy fandom keeps entertaining and stabalizing you. :)

[arwencordelia.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to send my thoughts and hugs, too (late, I know).

[(Anonymous)]

Hey there,

I got to your journal through your amazing James/Sirius stories. But more on topic, I'm about to turn 22 in a few months. When I was in high school, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer as well... the treatment ended up making everything worse, and she eventually passed away from heart complications and acute mylogenous leukemia.

That was almost 5 years ago. Though I still think about my mother constantly, the memories of her illness, the pain I felt at losing her, and the despair that gripped me after it happened has slowly lessened over time. It's easier for me now to remember the things that I want to, the things that I loved about her.

I guess I'm telling you this because I always felt better knowing that I wasn't alone.

Friends are such an important thing. I'm glad that you have them-online and off- to help you through all this.

I wish you all the best and know that you will find many ways in your life to honor the memory of your mother.

[pauraque]

I don't know if you'll come back to see if I answered, but thank you.