sort of failblog crossed with dan savage?

[pauraque_bk]

_hannelore! Lookity look look!

State of Vermont Pure Maple Syrup

I am, at some point in the non-remote future, moving to the G R E A T S T A T E of Vermont, because my girlfriend lives there. It took a while for me to conclude that this would be an okay thing to do, because I like the bay area very much and have never really wanted to move somewhere else, except sometimes I've wanted to move to Vancouver because it's exactly like the bay area.

Though I've visited many places enough to get some sense of what they're like, I've never actually lived anywhere else.

Bay area pros:

-the weather is nice
-transit system is effective and driving is unnecessary <-- I hate cars
-queer people proximity
-bleeding heart liberal proximity (though I'm actually a moderate, but I enjoy them)
-brother proximity

It took a long time to even come around to the possibility that I COULD leave, let alone that given our situation it is the only reasonable choice. _hannelore has a young child in school, and shares custody with an ex-husband who has no desire to move anywhere. So I can either begin some process of moving there, or carry on a long-distance relationship indefinitely.

Though we have successfully carried on a long-distance friendship for... eh 5 years, followed by a long-distance ~romance~ for somewhat under a year. We are lucky to live in an age of interwebs and cheap phones. I have no doubt that we CAN, I think we just kind of don't want to.

Vermont offers:

-_hannelore proximity
-_hannelore's son proximity
-lack of dad proximity <------ that would be nice.
-um. fall colors?

I'm scared of cold weather and snow. Snow should be in the Sierras where it belongs. You should have to drive several hours to go to the snow. Snow should not come to your house. (eta: AND I hate maple syrup.)

I suppose it's possible that I could move there and regret it, but I think it's worth the risk. I had a friend once who would kinda move back and forth across the country just to get away from problems, but I don't think I'm doing that.

Plus, someone I know moved from the US to Australia to be with his boyfriend that he met online, and he is now very happy except that he's in a weird time zone. Vermont's time zone is less weird. Thus... success guaranteed? *bites nails*

Aside from fear, the main impediment to moving is owning a house with my brother. My brother is high-functioning autistic and although he is in college (Cal school of engineering), and is relatively independent of me, he's never lived anywhere but this house, which belonged to our mom. Even assuming he could financially buy out my half of the house, I don't think he could take care of the house by himself. The thought of him living in a dorm or apartment makes me bite my nails in anxiety, but I guess that's the most logical answer.

Going further down the list of worries, I have a mean, old cat. I wouldn't trust my brother to take care of her in any case, let alone that if he was moving, having a cat would be problematic. My dad is allergic to cats, and anyone around here that I would have trusted to give a pet to has moved away. (I actually have almost no friends left in the bay area, why does everyone keep moving? Do they know something I don't?) Since she bites, giving her to a shelter would likely be a death sentence.

_hannelore's apartment doesn't allow cats, and she doesn't want cats, and **I** don't want cats. I inherited this one against my will. But I do care what happens to her. I don't know what to do about this.

A more minor difficulty is that I have a lot of junk to get rid of. Though I have not always lived here, I have always had a lot of stuff stored here, and I tend to accumulate more stuff all the time.

If you can't bring yourself to get rid of things, I have advice that will work: While cleaning up, ask yourself, "Would I take this with me if I moved across the country?" If you wouldn't, throw it (or give it) away.

Comments

[woolf.livejournal.com]

The right coast is not so bad. :) And snow means hot chocolate and warm blankets and never leaving bed, much less the house. :P

[pauraque]

That was exactly the argument _hannelore put forth! I could get behind not going to work because of the weather. That really never happens here.

[woolf.livejournal.com]

I don't know about Vermont, but I've called out due to weather at least six or eight times in the two years I've lived here. It's rather fun to do. :P

[pauraque]

Well, it's already snowing there. Meanwhile it's raining here... I actually like rain, but you never get to stay home because of it. Even when my street floods I still have to go to work.

[bardsmaid.livejournal.com]

While snow can be a pain to go out in and have to negotiate, watching it fall is absolutely magical. I found this out while living in Bend. You can suddenly see the air currents as the snow swirls here and there. There are big flakes, or small flakes, but they all come down with this wonderful hushed sound. So very peaceful, and very pretty indeed.

P.S. It helps to approach a move to a new area as if you were going to a foreign country. Don't expect things to be the same (because a lot of small but somehow seemingly significant details aren't.) If you're ready to roll with the punches and simply discover this new place and what it has to offer--every place has something interesting and unique--the transition will be easier than if you end up judging your new experiences against the ones you're so accustomed to.

[pauraque]

I've been in snow, but I've never actually seen it fall, except on TV!

I'm actually excited to go, as well as being apprehensive. I like it here but I've also lived here for 26 years. Variety of experience = good.

[kaptainsnot.livejournal.com]

Vermont seems like such a beautiful place -- especially compared to LA, which though I love...well, I can't always drive to Descanso Gardens when I want trees that change colors or aren't palms.

I've gone camping in the snow, it's the best/worst. Waking up at 5 or so with achy lungs, feeling like you've just woken up for the first time when you get the fire going. Drinking the hottest coffee of your life while you blink away eyelash-frost. ♥

Moving to _hannelore's seems like the right move. I'm excited for you, and hope you and her kid get along splendidly.
I wish I had a suggestion for your cat, that's tough.

[pauraque]

I actually don't like LA, the air quality bothers me, and people drive so crazy. Whenever I visit there I end up trying to leave earlier than I planned. :P

You know, since I grew up in CA I don't notice the palm trees. When _hannelore visits here, she points them out, and that's the only time I notice how many there are.

I'm on friendly terms with the kid. That's a whole other mass of anxiety. Fortunately he's known me forever, as I've been friends with his mom since he was a baby.

[kaptainsnot.livejournal.com]

I notice the palm trees because as a kid they terrified me. Grew out of it eventually, but you know.

LA is a pretty easy city to hate. Our relationship is complicated, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't vacation here if I lived elsewhere. There is shame involved, such as with the poor man's airport that is LAX, but alas the diverse neighborhoods and eight million restaurants, taco trucks and swapmeets sway me. LA isn't really a place so much as it is the biggest thrift store ever, where you find antique chairs and original Warhol prints mixed in with what looks like the daily gutter runoff. Still, I am young and probably wouldn't buy a house here, never mind that I can't.

And I'm sure you'll be great with the kid, you've got the sort of laid back feel that kids respond to. I'm glad you were sort of a presence to him this whole time.

[thimble-kiss.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could find a shelter in your area with a no-kill policy that would take in your cat?

I do understand the nail-biting factor. As someone who's felt very rooted in one town all my life (and yet has moved out of it a few times), I've always found the practical obstacles to moving to another place daunting and nerve-wracking, until the momentum of the preparations rolled me past the no return point. Last time we moved, it was only out of my hometown and across the county border into a semi-rural area, but my identity felt so tied to living in that town all my life that it felt downright fateful taking the leap. The first winter was tough, but eight years on I know it was one of the best decisions of my life. And my 'place' identity has, without me really noticing, quietly shifted to the new place. So, yes, um. Not that this proves anything, but leaps take you really right places sometimes, so good luck with yours! :)

And even outdoors, away from the hot chocolate and blankets, snow and cold isn't all bad. Kids and dogs and cats frolic in it and make it look adorable. It makes the people you love smell of frost and apples (it's true!) Cold red-cheeked hugs are nice. :) You can wear really big scarves wrapped around many times. And it creaks under your shoes when you walk. Brrr! This makes me almost look forward to winter!

[pauraque]

Unfortunately, "no kill" shelters only guarantee the lives of animals that are considered suitable for adoption. Those who are incurably ill or too aggressive to adopt are still euthanized. The few shelters that truly guarantee no killing are also limited-admission -- they only accept healthy and socialized animals in the first place. At least that's the case here, perhaps in your neck of the woods it's different.

Thank you for the reassurance... I do feel very attached to California, but perhaps I'll get over it. :D

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

simplykimberly is in the Bay Area, and fosters cats. Mostly kittens, but she would be an excellent resource to go to about your cat.

Vermont is also filled with bleeding-heart liberals, BTW. They have a Socialist senator!

[pauraque]

Oh, thanks for the lead. I will ask her!