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idlerat: Sayid.
Sayid is utterly beautiful. He can get soaking wet and tackle me in the pounding surf any day of the week.
...
Wait. What were we talking about?
Oh, yes, ranting. What I want to know is, if Mr. "incest is best, put your sister to the test" Abrams will allow Shannon and Boone to get their socially unacceptable freak on, how come Sawyer and Sayid aren't having hot sweaty mansex each and every goddamn night out in that jungle of mystery? They'd better hurry up -- there's only so many eligible boys on that island, and eventually people are gonna start pairing off.
Fors8219: Redemption.
Sometimes people use the word "redemption" to mean "realizing that they've been totally MEEN omg and becoming all nice and fluffy and in love with Harry". That's not redemption. That's character assassination.
And who says Snape needs redeeming, anyway? Isn't that the genius of the character -- that he's good but not nice? He already *came* back from the evil side. Now he's just a jerk.
What, you mean he's not redeemed until *Harry* likes him? Nuts to that. That just keeps him in the same emotional trap he's been in since he was 15. You're better than that, Sev! You don't need the Potter men to tell you what's what. It's your hot body, you do what you want!
Forsuperren: Cell phones OR cookies.
One time, I was riding my bike on the bike path, and many other bikes were there too, as it was rush hour in Berkeley. Another bicyclist changed lanes and cut me off, nearly running me off the road. He was talking on a cell phone. Yes, while RIDING HIS BIKE.
While you're letting that sink in, chew on this: Another time, my Evil Boss was visiting Costco, as he is wont to do (beats working). It was nearing Christmastime, and there was a giant palette of tins of Christmas cookies. This was a HUGE amount of cookies, people. Probably 300 tins.
So he bought this entire palette of cookies and had it delivered to the store. At the next meeting, he announced that he had done this, and explained that he was going to give cookies to employees as Christmas bonuses. Not in addition -- AS Christmas bonuses. You can imagine how thrilled we were.
But it gets better. After pondering his decision for a few days, Evil Boss decided that he would *not* be giving the cookies to the employees after all. Instead, he would sell them to our customers at an unbelievable markup, securing a tidy profit for himself. For those of you just joining us, we sell art supplies. Cookies, last time I checked... not an art supply.
So, for several months, we had this GIANT PYRAMID OF COOKIE TINS at the front of the store, standing as a shiny monument to the fact that we had not received Christmas bonuses.
The cashiers ended up eating most of the cookies.
Fordancing_moon: Rats.
Rats are great. People who don't like rats are lame. I used to work for a pet store, and on the occasions when I dealt with customers, I very often told them they should get their kids pet rats. Dude: Mice stink, hamsters bite, guinea pigs are stupid, gerbils are illegal in this state, and none of those little bastards are gonna learn tricks and come when they're called. RATS are the small pet of choice for the discerning parent!
For_hannelore: More memes than fic.
It's easier to copy a meme than to write an awesome fic, to be sure. People who post memes are lazy. Lazy whores, I say!
Wait, was asking for this just your sly little way of poking me to work on my damn Peter/Otto fic instead of posting stupid memes? (It's up to 2500 words, you know! But memes are so much eaaaaaasier.)
Forlycoris: Sirius/Remus.
I'm afraidscarah2 already covered this one far better than I ever could. Remus/Brad OTP!
The other thing that bugs me is when Remus cries. Remus should never cry. He keeps it all inside, that's his *thing*. The man's a freaking Vulcan. If you want to write a character weeping hysterically at the drop of a hat, how about Peter? He cries all the damn time. He and Cho should get together. She'd be all, "You killed my totally hot boyfriend!" and she'd start crying, and he'd be all, "It wasn't my fault, please don't hurt me!" and he'd start crying, and then they'd simultaneously realize that they're both ridiculously in love with Harry (but it's really a substitute for the dead guys they're repsectively obsessed with), and they'd get married and have lots of babies.
Mpreg babies. Just 'cause.
Forduckpuppy: The X-Files' worst season.
Well, I'm going to have to go with lucky number 9. XF had low moments in other seasons, but it wasn't until the last season that rock-bottom Bad was truly attained. Sometimes people in other fandoms don't understand just how godawful this show actually got. "Ah, yes, canon going downhill, I feel your pain", they will say, nodding their heads knowingly, but THEY DON'T.
In episode 9x08, a lovelorn and abandoned Scully receives an email from her true wuv, Mulder. I must impress upon you that this is actually real, and yes they were serious.
E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com
To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com
Date: 07 Jan 2002
Subject: Dearest Dana
I've resisted contacting you for reasons I know you continue to appreciate. But, to be honest, some unexpected dimensions of my new life are eating away at any resolve I have left. I'm lonely, Dana, uncertain of my ability to live like this. I want to come home. To you, and to William.
Okay, deep breaths now. Scully emails in reply:
I am physically shaking right now seeing your words. Wishing it were you speaking them to me. I want so badly to see you too, but you are still not safe here.
This is totally real. Yes, these are meant to be professional adults and not TWELVE-YEAR-OLD FANFIC WRITERS.
This episode is not bad in any way previously known in the series. It is bad in a way that is utterly unique. It's almost better to think (as some do) that the writers were consciously mocking fandom, because it's hard to believe that grown people who made a living writing for this show could come up with this level of complete character-assassinating crap and write it down on a piece of paper, knowing that actors would one day repeat it.
So, yeah. Season 9. There you have it.
Forwootsauce: Pretentious gallery artists.
As previously mentioned, I work at an art supply store, so I know allllll about this topic. While it is true that many gallery artists are pretentious, the words that come more readily to my mind are "cheap" and "batshit insane".
One of my favorite customer lines: "I should get a discount, because I'm an artist." Yes, people actually say this. Regularly. As though all the other people in the store are just stocking up on cadmium red because they're slowly poisoning their girlfriend's ferret. (If only she'd gotten a RAT like he told her!)
I also like it when customers make a big deal out of having a resale license, because it means they Actually Sell Things. Well, whoop de freaking doo. Would you like to try persuading me that you shouldn't have to pay the seven cents of tax on that palette knife because you're going to use it in a found-object sculpture which you'll proceed to sell for as much money as I make in a month? Thought so. (All my sculptures are found-object, by the way. I found this clay in the bargain aisle at Dick Blick!)
Among the choice lines customers use when they don't like an employee's answer to a question is this all-time classic:
"Are there any REAL artists who work here?"
The STENCH of arrogance and pretension that just RISES off these bored Marin County housewives when they whip out this gem of a line has been known to kill small animals. (Of which we have many at our fine establishment, but that's another rant entirely.)
Then there's the guy who refuses to give out his phone number for the goddamn discount card because he's the World's Greatest Contemporary Artist (yes, he ACTUALLY said that), and he doesn't want anybody calling up his fabulous self. Any exchange you have with him inevitably ends in either him screaming abuse at you, or him ranting about "that cut-throat George Bush!".
Yeah, he's not so much pretentious, mostly insane.
I hate art.
On a totally unrelated note, does anybody know what the hell is up with Super Milk Chan? Look, I'm hip, I watch Harvey Birdman and Venture Bros and all. But the Super Milk Chan? Yeah, totally don't get it.
idlerat: Sayid.Sayid is utterly beautiful. He can get soaking wet and tackle me in the pounding surf any day of the week.
...
Wait. What were we talking about?
Oh, yes, ranting. What I want to know is, if Mr. "incest is best, put your sister to the test" Abrams will allow Shannon and Boone to get their socially unacceptable freak on, how come Sawyer and Sayid aren't having hot sweaty mansex each and every goddamn night out in that jungle of mystery? They'd better hurry up -- there's only so many eligible boys on that island, and eventually people are gonna start pairing off.
For
s8219: Redemption.Sometimes people use the word "redemption" to mean "realizing that they've been totally MEEN omg and becoming all nice and fluffy and in love with Harry". That's not redemption. That's character assassination.
And who says Snape needs redeeming, anyway? Isn't that the genius of the character -- that he's good but not nice? He already *came* back from the evil side. Now he's just a jerk.
What, you mean he's not redeemed until *Harry* likes him? Nuts to that. That just keeps him in the same emotional trap he's been in since he was 15. You're better than that, Sev! You don't need the Potter men to tell you what's what. It's your hot body, you do what you want!
For
superren: Cell phones OR cookies.One time, I was riding my bike on the bike path, and many other bikes were there too, as it was rush hour in Berkeley. Another bicyclist changed lanes and cut me off, nearly running me off the road. He was talking on a cell phone. Yes, while RIDING HIS BIKE.
While you're letting that sink in, chew on this: Another time, my Evil Boss was visiting Costco, as he is wont to do (beats working). It was nearing Christmastime, and there was a giant palette of tins of Christmas cookies. This was a HUGE amount of cookies, people. Probably 300 tins.
So he bought this entire palette of cookies and had it delivered to the store. At the next meeting, he announced that he had done this, and explained that he was going to give cookies to employees as Christmas bonuses. Not in addition -- AS Christmas bonuses. You can imagine how thrilled we were.
But it gets better. After pondering his decision for a few days, Evil Boss decided that he would *not* be giving the cookies to the employees after all. Instead, he would sell them to our customers at an unbelievable markup, securing a tidy profit for himself. For those of you just joining us, we sell art supplies. Cookies, last time I checked... not an art supply.
So, for several months, we had this GIANT PYRAMID OF COOKIE TINS at the front of the store, standing as a shiny monument to the fact that we had not received Christmas bonuses.
The cashiers ended up eating most of the cookies.
For
dancing_moon: Rats.Rats are great. People who don't like rats are lame. I used to work for a pet store, and on the occasions when I dealt with customers, I very often told them they should get their kids pet rats. Dude: Mice stink, hamsters bite, guinea pigs are stupid, gerbils are illegal in this state, and none of those little bastards are gonna learn tricks and come when they're called. RATS are the small pet of choice for the discerning parent!
For
_hannelore: More memes than fic.It's easier to copy a meme than to write an awesome fic, to be sure. People who post memes are lazy. Lazy whores, I say!
Wait, was asking for this just your sly little way of poking me to work on my damn Peter/Otto fic instead of posting stupid memes? (It's up to 2500 words, you know! But memes are so much eaaaaaasier.)
For
lycoris: Sirius/Remus.I'm afraid
scarah2 already covered this one far better than I ever could. Remus/Brad OTP!The other thing that bugs me is when Remus cries. Remus should never cry. He keeps it all inside, that's his *thing*. The man's a freaking Vulcan. If you want to write a character weeping hysterically at the drop of a hat, how about Peter? He cries all the damn time. He and Cho should get together. She'd be all, "You killed my totally hot boyfriend!" and she'd start crying, and he'd be all, "It wasn't my fault, please don't hurt me!" and he'd start crying, and then they'd simultaneously realize that they're both ridiculously in love with Harry (but it's really a substitute for the dead guys they're repsectively obsessed with), and they'd get married and have lots of babies.
Mpreg babies. Just 'cause.
For
duckpuppy: The X-Files' worst season.Well, I'm going to have to go with lucky number 9. XF had low moments in other seasons, but it wasn't until the last season that rock-bottom Bad was truly attained. Sometimes people in other fandoms don't understand just how godawful this show actually got. "Ah, yes, canon going downhill, I feel your pain", they will say, nodding their heads knowingly, but THEY DON'T.
In episode 9x08, a lovelorn and abandoned Scully receives an email from her true wuv, Mulder. I must impress upon you that this is actually real, and yes they were serious.
E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com
To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com
Date: 07 Jan 2002
Subject: Dearest Dana
I've resisted contacting you for reasons I know you continue to appreciate. But, to be honest, some unexpected dimensions of my new life are eating away at any resolve I have left. I'm lonely, Dana, uncertain of my ability to live like this. I want to come home. To you, and to William.
Okay, deep breaths now. Scully emails in reply:
I am physically shaking right now seeing your words. Wishing it were you speaking them to me. I want so badly to see you too, but you are still not safe here.
This is totally real. Yes, these are meant to be professional adults and not TWELVE-YEAR-OLD FANFIC WRITERS.
This episode is not bad in any way previously known in the series. It is bad in a way that is utterly unique. It's almost better to think (as some do) that the writers were consciously mocking fandom, because it's hard to believe that grown people who made a living writing for this show could come up with this level of complete character-assassinating crap and write it down on a piece of paper, knowing that actors would one day repeat it.
So, yeah. Season 9. There you have it.
For
wootsauce: Pretentious gallery artists.As previously mentioned, I work at an art supply store, so I know allllll about this topic. While it is true that many gallery artists are pretentious, the words that come more readily to my mind are "cheap" and "batshit insane".
One of my favorite customer lines: "I should get a discount, because I'm an artist." Yes, people actually say this. Regularly. As though all the other people in the store are just stocking up on cadmium red because they're slowly poisoning their girlfriend's ferret. (If only she'd gotten a RAT like he told her!)
I also like it when customers make a big deal out of having a resale license, because it means they Actually Sell Things. Well, whoop de freaking doo. Would you like to try persuading me that you shouldn't have to pay the seven cents of tax on that palette knife because you're going to use it in a found-object sculpture which you'll proceed to sell for as much money as I make in a month? Thought so. (All my sculptures are found-object, by the way. I found this clay in the bargain aisle at Dick Blick!)
Among the choice lines customers use when they don't like an employee's answer to a question is this all-time classic:
"Are there any REAL artists who work here?"
The STENCH of arrogance and pretension that just RISES off these bored Marin County housewives when they whip out this gem of a line has been known to kill small animals. (Of which we have many at our fine establishment, but that's another rant entirely.)
Then there's the guy who refuses to give out his phone number for the goddamn discount card because he's the World's Greatest Contemporary Artist (yes, he ACTUALLY said that), and he doesn't want anybody calling up his fabulous self. Any exchange you have with him inevitably ends in either him screaming abuse at you, or him ranting about "that cut-throat George Bush!".
Yeah, he's not so much pretentious, mostly insane.
I hate art.
On a totally unrelated note, does anybody know what the hell is up with Super Milk Chan? Look, I'm hip, I watch Harvey Birdman and Venture Bros and all. But the Super Milk Chan? Yeah, totally don't get it.
