pauraque_bk | Okay, here's the thing.

petulantgod, whom I don't really know, deleted his LJ. This has led some people to voice their opinion that he was "really a girl", and used a male persona as a sockpuppet to get attention. I'm not trying to single anyone out; several people have said it. I have no clue if it's true or not, and really, this post doesn't have anything to do with

petulantgod. It's the suspicion over gender, which has come up before with others, and the tone that has been taken in discussing it, that's getting under my skin.

I'll get right to the point: There are transgendered people in fandom. More than you know. No, I'm not about to out anybody; it's not up to me to decide when or how or whether another person's gender identity is up for public discussion. But, as a general statement, just as there are queer people of all other types in fandom, there are also transgendered people here. And I guess I'm surprised at how little awareness there appears to be of this fact.

I'm sure there are people in the world who intentionally take on the persona of another gender just to screw with people or get some undeserved attention. But when that's the first conclusion that's jumped to, it bothers me. Yeah, I'm biased, but when someone is being evasive about their RL gender, or something they've said doesn't seem to add up gender-wise, I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they're not maliciously deceiving me, but are genuinely struggling with their own identity -- or with fears about what people in fandom will think if they're open about what's really going on.

I was born female, and now I'm male. Don't feel like you're out of the loop if you didn't know this; most people don't (or didn't). Believe me, it's very appealing to stay closeted online, where there's little to no chance of being "read", and you can finally just talk to people without wondering if they're privately judging you, criticizing you, questioning your very legitimacy as a human being. I hope the general perception won't be that I've been deceptive, because on the contrary, I've felt more free to be myself online than anywhere else.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't think this was the day I was going to be coming out to my online friends. Er, surprise? I guess this was just the final straw that made me realize I'm tired of censoring myself. I hate the harsh judgments that I've been subjected to IRL, but it's gradually happened that I've come to hate my implied acceptance of those judgments more. I feel like I've been saying yes, you're right, I should be ashamed, I am a joke. I don't want to feel that way anymore. I don't want to be afraid of what people might say; let them say it, and I'll deal with it when they do.

Also, since we're here: Calling someone by a pronoun other than the one they clearly want used for them is not acceptable. In fact, it's deeply disrespectful, presumptuous, and rude. Don't do it, unless you want to look like a fool.

Now back to your regularly scheduled posts of geekery and fandom ramblings.