Icon ficlet #3

[pauraque_bk]

For rikibeth, who requested a fic based on this icon. The real story behind it can be found here.


The Wrong Story

Soft white birds' wings in graduated sizes lie in rows along this shelf, each tagged with a yellowing typewritten card. Harry glances up. The shelves stack all the way to the ceiling, black wings and brown wings with little labels. He continues carefully down the narrow aisle, acutely aware of the sound his shoes make against the hardwood floor. He knows there's no one here, but he thinks fleetingly of his old invisibility cloak-- tattered by the end of it all, and destroyed along with the other things.

This next row here is the one Harry is looking for. It's nearly too narrow to squeeze through, like it's not meant to be a row at all. His hand brushes against a shelf of broken, unlabelled monkey skulls, and comes away coated with white dust. Shelf five, ten, fifteen--

The row dead-ends into a peeling plaster wall. Harry crouches down slowly, awkwardly, placing his hand on the wall for balance. The last section, just at the bottom, has two shelves, like someone added one more as an afterthought. Shelf fifteen-and-a-half, Harry thinks with a crooked smile. He gets right down on the floor, breathing the humid dirt and formaldehyde, and reaches in.

His hand knocks into something glass, and his breath catches. He wriggles arthritic fingers against it, rolling it towards him until he can grab hold and pull it out into the light.

The dragon is suspended in a jar of slightly yellowish brine. Its eyes are shut, its swan-neck craned down as if in prayer. Its arms and legs are bent in a fetal crouch; the veined wings are torn almost to stumps.

And Harry crouches there on the floor, breathing the stale citrus smell of the air. This has to be destroyed. Like his father's cloak, like the pillar that led to the train station platform.

Harry has destroyed so many things.

With one gnarled finger, he traces the dragon's mouth through the glass, imagining he can feel the rows of tiny perfect teeth. There is a scar across the back of his hand that now looks like nothing more than red, wrinkled lines.

I must not tell lies.

Harry's heart is beating hard, and his knees ache. He holds his breath.

He replaces the glass jar on shelf fifteen-and-a-half, and pushes it all the way to the back.

end.


Please do let me know what you think. dragonessasmith is next.

Comments

[switchknife.livejournal.com]

Oh my God. So lovely.

*is speechless*

Just so... tenderhurtfulbitterbeautiful. Oh. I love future-fics that show our HP characters far into the future, and this just feels so true to Harry. There is that sense of post-blast silence I felt when I read: like the pillar that led to the train station platform. Then my jaw dropped open and my mind sort of imploded at the implications of that. Oh, ouch. Ouch ouch ouch. Harry trying to preserve things after destroying so much... And yet all he can preserve is one corpse after another--wings instead of birds--

Damn you, couldn't you have written about a happy little dragon? A Norbert's-grandchild-learns-the-meaning-of-sex kind of ficlet?

*weeps*

[pauraque]

Thank you so much! And thanks for the rec, too. Your enthusiasm is a ray of light in this snarky and apathetic fandom of ours. ;D

wings instead of birds

Yes, exactly.

A Norbert's-grandchild-learns-the-meaning-of-sex kind of ficlet?

*cracks up* That'll be my next trick...

[zionsstarfish.livejournal.com]

(by way of switchknife

aaaaahhh!! *is stabbed*

Wow. The implications of the little dropped hints, the implied enormity of the battle, and where the blame/responsibility lies... and that it's not just 'fifteen', but 'fifteen and a half'. Ouch.

*loves*

[pauraque]

Thank you! That's what I love about fanfic, that you have this detailed frame of reference you can use to tell whole stories by implication alone.

[mmariep2.livejournal.com]

followed switchknife. . .

god. . .

very powerful, and the barest hints of what has happened and what is supposed to happen just leaves you there staring and wondering and thinking. . .

[pauraque]

Thank you. :)

[mark356.livejournal.com]

omg.

*whimper*

[pauraque]

I'll take that as a compliment. ;)

[swingheildandy.livejournal.com]

oh, wow... that's....

beautiful. sad. empty.

and so well-written it takes the breath away.

[pauraque]

Thank you very much.

[flimpy.livejournal.com]

So much between the lines. Wow. Ouch.

Beautiful job.

[pauraque]

Danke.

By the way, I was sorry to hear about your recent troubles. I hope things turn out all right with that.

[permetaform]

umm.

OW.

::throws mad applause at you and saves to memories::

[pauraque]

Thanks! And hee, I like your icon.

[electrovox.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm not sure what to say other than wow. This is so elegant, so restrained. Chekhovian, even. To be effusive in praising it would seem to be missing the point.

Something about this piece aches all over. It makes me think of the Plath line from "Poppies In July": If my mouth could marry a hurt like that! Because, really, that's what this is -- pure hurt, the worst kind, because it's so quiet and tight, like the writing. Wow. That's really all I can say.

[switchknife.livejournal.com]

Chekhovian! Why didn't I think of that?

*weeps at being an inadequate reviewer*

You know, I once told everyone I knew that Eodrakken would win the Booker some day. I stand by that.

[kaptainsnot.livejournal.com]

I came by way of switchknife, and am extremely glad that I did.

Shelf fifteen-and-a-half. This short but beautiful piece is so gorgeously achey and elegantly raw, so clever and sharp and hurtful. I love stories that put HP characters into the far future, and this one was done perfectly; this is Harry, and that makes me feel so much that I love this piece for it.

Christ, this was perfect.

[pauraque]

Thank you.

I like your icon; who's the artist?

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

i just keep rereading this. i can't figure out what to say, really, so i think i'll just say thank you for writing it :)

[pauraque]

You're welcome. :) And thank you for feeding back.

[gwen-louise.livejournal.com]

Aw, but, ah, no poor Harry . Seriously, guh. **adds to memories** I hope you don't mind but I've friended you as well.

[pauraque]

Don't mind at all. Thank you. :)

[bowdlerized.livejournal.com]

Also here via switchknife. This is sad and lovely. It's interesting that while the narrative voice is somewhat distant, I still empathized a lot with Harry. Neat trick.

I'm also adding you to my friends list. The language you created seems fascinating--I love linguistics. So, nice to meet you! ;)

[pauraque]

Well met! A surprising number of fans do seem interested in linguistics. Now, if only my linguist friends would take an interest in fanfic, I'd be set. :)

Thanks for your feedback.

[naughty--pixie.livejournal.com]

I too followed switchknife

wow. This is so touching, so painful. and I have to second switchknife, couldn't you have written a Nobert's child-let's have sex ficlet?? This hurt so much.

wonderful.

[pauraque]

couldn't you have written a Nobert's child-let's have sex ficlet??

Heh, I didn't know there was such a demand for dragonsex. Thanks. :)

[asphodeline.livejournal.com]

it's mesmerizing; I've had to read it a few times, so compelling. beautiful and sad and intriguing and how *do* you do it??!!

[pauraque]

I have to admit, it ain't easy. Writing this was actually quite laborious... but seeing the response makes it worthwhile. *hugs*

[neotoma.livejournal.com]

Oh, I hurt for Harry here, having to destroy all the magical connections between Muggle and Magical. Is he sealing the Wizarding World off with himself on the outside?

[pauraque]

Is he sealing the Wizarding World off with himself on the outside?

Yes, that's what I was going for. I'm glad it came across for you. :)

[koneko-meow.livejournal.com]

Guh. This was beautiful, wonderful, hurtful, and just....guh. The eloquence of this....is just amazing. I can't think of anything thing else to say, words fail me.

[pauraque]

That's fine, just knowing you liked it is praise enough for me. Thank you. :)

[chresimos.livejournal.com]

Ha! Came here all on my very own.

I think: pretty. Very nice incorporation of the icon. As before, I find you focus a lot on color, but in these piece, scent also.

[pauraque]

Ha! Came here all on my very own.

You're always ahead of the trends. ;) Thanks.

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's just beautiful.

[pauraque]

Thank you.

Hm, you're a Bellatrix/Ginny fan? I can't say that I've ever seen that, but it makes an odd sort of sense, since they're both deeply connected to Tom. Can you point me to any good fic?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hannelore/]

This is wonderful in the sense that there is not a word spoken, just the stories of each thing shelved away. Amazing, sad and touching. Especially when Harry has to hide away even that which he knows he should destroy.

What an interesting story behind the icon, too. Thanks for adding that in.

[pauraque]

You're welcome, and thank you. :)

[jennilee.livejournal.com]

I don't know how to review this. It is almost beyond me. All I can say is that I really loved it. Wow.

[pauraque]

Thank you!

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

This is as sparse and bleak and perfectly drawn as your work in the "And Just Plain Wrong" setting that lured me into reading darkfic.

It's rather like having my head bashed in with a sprig of rosemary wrapped round a large gold brick (apologies to Douglas Adams).

I am honored to have something this intense written as a response to my request.

Thank you.

[pauraque]

You're most welcome, and thank you for the inspirational request. :)

[tradescant.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love this very much, its spareness and the hopelessness and hope you've packed into it. It's one of those rare drabbles that opens up a world I want to see into, and at the same time is completely satisfying on its own.

Very well done indeed.

[pauraque]

Thank you!

[maria-futura.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's so sad! Bravo!

[pauraque]

Thanks. It's always a bit hard to know how to answer when you get feedback for sad fic. "I'm so glad I made you miserable..." ;)

...

[dragonessasmith.livejournal.com]

You want to know what I think? I think I'm gonna go read this again. Wow. Yeah...

Re: ...

[pauraque]

Thanks! You should expect your ficlet sometime tomorrow.

[retired-ego.livejournal.com]

There's so much context here that it's really amazing that it is a drabble based on an icon. I adore the imagery. It makes me feel like I'm Harry instead of just reading it; feeling his pain instead of just guessing what it is like. The vocabulary of it, too, just... it wouldn't be the same without the right words.

[pauraque]

Thank you very much; I'm glad you enjoyed it.