"what?!?" bombs

[pauraque_bk]

Sometimes Dan Savage talks nonsense, however:

There the guy was, boned for you, and he was brave enough to put his desires out there, to make himself vulnerable (which is what the ladies are always saying they want, right?), and you lobbed the ol' "What?!?" bomb at him and made him feel like a freak.
...
You're not the only person whose first reaction to an unexpected request is "What?!?" Many of us feel obliged—even the sexually adventurous among us—to go on the record with slight-to-mild-to-royal shock when a new partner presents us with a request for something besides the standard-issue sex organ stuffed in the standard-issue orifice. Our shock—real, feigned, or exaggerated—allows us to establish our moral superiority while placing the other person in a weaker position. It forces the other person to acknowledge that he or she is the bigger pervert and that we, by even contemplating indulging his or her kinks, are doing that person a favor. Tragically for all involved, most people on the receiving end of a "What?!?" emerge less likely to share their kinks with future sex partners, resulting in less interesting sex lives for all.


Mhm.

Comments

[viverra-libro.livejournal.com]

I read that, and while I agree with the principle, I probably would have said "what?" as well. But not because I would have any objection to doing it -- just because I can't immediately imagine how that would physically work. Not owning a pair of balls, and generally thinking of them as fragile, I just can't see, in the two seconds one reflects upon something before responding, how that is a possible activity. What are you supposed to say when genuinely puzzled/confused, but not objecting?

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think the tone of the "What?" is probably key here. If you're confused rather than horrified, keeping your tone to an "um, I never tried that... how's that work?" sort of "What?" is probably kinder than an "OMG GROSS!" sort of "What?!?"

And if you ARE horrified, but not to the point of wanting to boot your partner out of bed, it's an even better idea to practice saying "no, I'm not into that" in a calm and non-freaked-out tone.

If you DO want to kick someone out of bed for a request they make, a horrified tone and whatever physical steps are necessary to get the guy OFF you are totally warranted.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I do wonder if the girl was genuinely confused. There's the horrified "WHAT?" and the offended "WHAT?" and then the confused "WHAT?" But I guess since it doesn't seem like they talked about it she did do one of the above. I think if I was in that situation, even if my first reaction was a confused "What?" I'd want to know if this was something one could actually do. Because it's not like there's anything so strange about it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hannelore/]

and he was brave enough to put his desires out there

I changed my lj profile to this.