pauraque_bk: (peter pettigrew)
[personal profile] pauraque_bk
Disclaimer: The characters of the Harry Potter series belong to JK Rowling. This particular interpretation of them is borrowed with permission from Amanuensis and Juxian Tang.

TITLE: Cut With Diamonds
AUTHOR: Eodrakken
RATING: NC-17
PAIRING: Ron/Peter
WARNINGS: Non-con.
SUMMARY: What would it pleasure me to have my throat cut with diamonds? or to be smothered with cassia? or to be shot to death with pearls?

NOTES: This is a sequel to Juxian Tang's "Damage Control", which is in turn a sequel to Amanuensis's "And Just Plain Wrong". As such, it is an AU, and may not make much sense if you're not familiar with the other stories.

Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] amanuensis1 and [livejournal.com profile] juxiantang for letting me play with their toys, to [livejournal.com profile] keladryb for last-minute tweaks and encouragement, and to my everlastingly glorious beta reader [livejournal.com profile] caesia390.

+--

"Ron says he understands," he adds suddenly. [...] "He said Pettigrew... he wasn't all that bad to him."

-Damage Control (Juxian Tang)



The little boat rocks sickeningly as it glides across the cold, murky water. There are a few too many people to fit properly, and Ron is jammed up against the side with Harry's hip digging into his thigh. The smell of pitch and wet wood almost reminds Ron of the boats to Hogwarts, but not quite, because that was always at night. This is an icy-bright morning, too early to be awake. Harry's sharp elbow bumps his arm as he covers a silent yawn.

When they make land, for a moment Ron thinks they've just stopped off somewhere, because it looks so... ordinary. A tiny dock and an old fortress, metalwork and wilting ivy. And petrifying, unnatural cold.

They climb out of the boat, limbs stiff from sitting too long. It takes a few minutes for everyone to gather their coats and handbags and whatever else and get onto the pier. Ron rubs his elbows, squinting crossly at the horizon.

'Fucking dawdling,' he says.

'Can't blame them,' Harry answers in an undertone, sidling up close to him. 'They can't start until we get there, so it seems like... we're responsible. I mean, we're not, but...'

Ron doesn't answer. Harry hesitates a moment as if he's about to say something else, but then turns and steps briskly over to the boat to give Lavender Brown a hand up.

The seven witnesses are carefully warded and then led through the gateway by one of the human warders. It's still freezing, like being out in the snow without a jacket, but the Dementors can't come near them, can't dig into their memories. Ron thinks he hears Lavender whimpering somewhere towards the back of the group. Harry's walking very close to him. The stonework of the floor is slippery with frost, so Ron makes sure to place each foot down carefully as he goes.

Light spills in at an angle from the high windows. It glistens off the particles of ice on the stone walls, and paints Harry's face a faint sunrise gold.

Ron remembers something then.

*

Light through the windows of Pettigrew's room, and he was sitting there looking out with yellow spilling over his face, piggish little eyes squinting. 'Look at the way they're blooming,' he said, and his voice could be a woman's if you closed your eyes. 'It's summer soon, I think, Ron.'

Ron was on his knees on the floor, rubbing Pettigrew's feet, and Pettigrew wasn't watching him. The feet were hot and blue-veined from being crammed into tight leather and walked on all day, and they smelled stale. The soles were thick yellow and rough-ridged under Ron's thumbs as he carefully kneaded, staying away from the blisters. The toenails were small and curved and white, and one was torn to the quick. He rubbed Pettigrew's fat-bony swollen ankles, where the hair on his legs started.

'On my feet all day,' Pettigrew said faintly, still looking away out the window.

'I could wash them if you want.' Ron froze as soon as the words came out, like someone else had said them.

Pettigrew looked down at him sharply, the afternoon light making deep shadows in his frown and double chin. 'Saying my feet are dirty?'

'No...'

Pettigrew drew his feet back out of Ron's hands, shifted his arse awkwardly, leaned in, and backhanded Ron across the mouth.

The blow wasn't as hard as Ron had thought it would be, but he let himself fall to his hands and knees on the waxy floor. He stayed there for a minute, breathing, not looking up, feeling the heat rise in his left cheekbone where it had caught a knuckle. Looking at the fuzzy shadow of his head and hair from the yellow window behind him.

Pettigrew breathed too, shallow and fretful. 'Well,' he said eventually, 'well, you can wash them.' Anxious, muffled as he looked away again. 'You can wash them if you want.'

And then there was warm water rubbed over the pink and white indentations from Pettigrew's socks, and the dribbling of a cloth being squeezed out into a ceramic basin, like the sound of a weak piss into the toilet.

Pettigrew could have hit him with his right hand.

*

Ron feels Harry's hand on his arm, and he realises the group has come to a halt. Their escort is whispering with the chief warder, a fat blonde woman.

'What's the matter?' Ron asks.

'There's been a delay,' the warder says, looking from Ron to Harry as if not sure who she's meant to be talking to. 'Don't worry, it'll be put right. Just a quibble over the last meal.'

Ron laughs sharply. It sounds wrong in here, like the walls aren't sure where to send the echo. 'He's getting picky over his food?'

The warder shifts uncomfortably. 'No, no... Of course, he isn't eating. But there's a question of the offer being made, being documented. Under the new law.'

'Good,' Harry says quickly, throwing Ron a glance. 'Fine. We'll wait.'

The pit of Ron's stomach is cold and numb. There are no windows here, and the walls don't entirely muffle the groans of suffering prisoners. Their little group herds closer together.

Harry turns his head to look back, and Ron follows his gaze. Snape is standing a few steps off, his teeth clenched hard. The back of his stained hand brushes against the stone wall. Harry throws him a wan, crooked smile. Snape's face doesn't move, but as he looks at Harry, there's a little shift of reflection in his eyes, and for a moment it seems like maybe you could see something inside.

*

Pettigrew had had a lot of sherry at dinner, and Ron knew he didn't hold his liquor very well. They were walking back down the dim corridor with jumping shadows like a crackling fire, and Pettigrew's soft hand was clutching Ron's shirt at his lower back as if afraid he might fall while trying to negotiate the moving stairways.

Snape came walking briskly the other way towards the dungeon steps, (how many times had they run pelting down them laughing and late for class?), click click click boots echoing even and sharp, with Harry naked and leashed like a poodle at his heel. Harry's eyes were glassy; he looked concussed -- fucking bastard, Snape.

As they passed, Pettigrew savagely raked his eyes over Harry's body like a starving rodent. Looks just like James, doesn't he, Ron almost wanted to say. Not looking where he was going, Pettigrew stumbled and pushed Ron's shoulder into the stone wall, a breath-squeezed-out grunt. Snape glanced back at them scalpel-sharp, tightened his grip on Harry's lead, and walked on quicker.

Pettigrew got his footing again, and they made their way up to his-- their-- his rooms. All the way up the rickety stairs with the hairpin turn, Ron thought about how this should have been Harry, Harry would have been Pettigrew's first choice if he'd been allowed. The idea was oddly hard to pin down, like it kept dancing away. Trying to catch it left a bitter taste in Ron's mouth.

Pettigrew skipped the normal bedtime routine and stumbled into bed half-clothed in the pitch dark, dragging Ron down with him. The springs moaned under their combined weight as Pettigrew pulled him close with a sigh of intoxicated exhaustion. Soft fat belly pressed against him, and a thick calf rubbing over his leg.

'I was just a little boy once, you know?' Pettigrew mumbled into Ron's face, pressing their foreheads together. 'An ordinary boy. How did I get--'

He kissed Ron's lips, and Ron lay still. Pettigrew must not have liked that, because he grabbed Ron by the side of the neck and squeezed, and when he kissed him again, Ron made sure to kiss back. Red-fermented taste of stale sherry and spit.

' 'S can't last forever, can it? You all go home over the summer, and even with the memory charms, somebody's bound to find out.' Warm touch, heavy sweet breath, a fat, shaky hand stroking his hair. ' 'M amazed it's gone on this long. Don't you think someone'll find out?'

Ron wasn't sure if Pettigrew wanted him to answer. Alcohol had made him lax and unpredictable, and forgetful of the fact that knowledge of a thing didn't grant the power to end it.

'What do you think, Ron?'

Ron swallowed. 'I think you're right,' he said hoarsely into Pettigrew's sick-sweet mouth. Because that answer could never be wrong.

*

The delay drags on, and Ron and the other witnesses are stowed away in a musty little office. The warder hands around brandy, and hot water for those who don't partake. It doesn't really make it seem warmer, but you can pretend, can't you? She gives a very drawn smile as she hands Ron a drink. He tries to smile back, but doesn't think it quite comes out. He turns the cup back and forth in his hands as he and Harry sit on the cheap-looking desk. It doesn't feel solid, like it might not hold them. One of the witnesses, a girl Ron doesn't know, is turned around in her chair and picking at the back of it. Lavender is sitting on the floor in the corner with her forehead on her knees.

'What time do you reckon it is,' Ron says.

Harry shakes his head. 'Hard to say, in here.'

Harry hesitates, then says in a very low voice, 'It's... you know, it might be better, knowing-- knowing it'll be over. For him, I mean. It might be better than just being here forever, not knowing when it'll end. Every day the same, just you and-- them.'

'You don't know, though,' Ron says, looking at the cracks in the plaster wall. 'You don't know what they make him remember.' He takes a shot of his brandy without thinking, and the burning in his stomach makes him want to retch. He snatches Harry's water off the desk and gulps it down.

*

Evening-dim in the room, and Ron was sucking Pettigrew's dick as he lay in bed, the way he liked to have it done. Ron knew this penis better than he'd ever know his own -- short and tapering, the particular network of purple veins, the way the left side of the head stuck out a little more than the right. Ron knew what he liked, where he was sensitive and when. His heavy wheezing breath in the quiet, the little creak of the mattress, the up and down of the hairy distended stomach when he looked, all familiar and ordinary. Pettigrew wouldn't ask him to lick his arsehole that night.

Easily readable, the buildup of tension and grunts and hitches of breath, and Ron may have been going crazy but he thought the smell-taste changed, sharpened just a little and gave him half a second to brace himself before Pettigrew grabbed his head and ground into his face, filling his mouth and throat with hot liquid salt that all had to be forced down if he didn't want to be punished. Ron swallowed almost all of it, but deliberately let a dribble spill onto the mattress -- it gave him a pleasant feeling of defiance to know that he'd technically broken the rules.

Pettigrew caught his breath and pulled Ron up beside him. He murmured and petted him, his hair and back. It made Ron think of Ginny, the Christmas before she'd started school, that stuffed lion she'd wanted so badly, the way she wouldn't stop hugging it after it was opened. Pettigrew shifted and turned, putting his arms around Ron and then pulling back and doing it again a different way. He hummed and mewled in pleasure, patting him. Ron lay there like a rag doll. Too much come boiled and sweltered in his stomach, and the dark chandelier was a giant burnished spider above his eyes.

Ron waited for him to drift off. He thought about Harry being beaten and torn somewhere else in the castle. Pettigrew hadn't even fucked Ron in what seemed like a month or more; he never could seem to find the right position to get comfortable to do it, so he just got Ron to suck him instead. Ron thought about being here, being cuddled, used, and hoarded like gold.

Pettigrew began to snore. He slept soundly, and slept late every day, and sometimes took naps in the afternoon. Ron missed class a lot because of it, because Pettigrew hadn't got up yet and wanted Ron in bed with him. He liked to sleep. --Well, of course he did. That was all Scabbers had ever done.

Ron carefully extricated himself and crept over to the bathroom. He knelt on the cold tile and vomited it all up into the toilet, and it was pure salt and burning acid, but getting rid of it would settle his stomach and let him sleep. He'd done this so often that his throat felt red-raw all the time, and nothing tasted right.

He drank a trickle of cold water out of the tap, and came carefully back into the bedroom. He stopped abruptly with a seizing shock.

Pettigrew was awake.

He was sitting up and had the blanket clutched in both hands at his waist, and his eyes were shining as he stared. There would be punishment, but what Ron remembers is just this: Shining wet beady eyes in the darkness, and a sharp indrawn breath like half a sob.

*

Ron opens his eyes, and the door is open, the warders are ushering them out. This is going to be it, everything's been settled and arranged. There's nothing left to wait for.

It's a little room with a thick heavy wall of protective magic in between the witnesses and the prisoner, which distorts the view, but Ron can see well enough. Pettigrew struggles against the warders' arms and the knotted magic chains bolted into the floor, wild with terror. He's dirty and has lost a lot of weight, but he looks... he looks the same.

The masked warders behind him have their wands at his back, preventing him from transforming. The Dementor hovers a few feet off, waiting, flexing its rotten fingers and shifting from side to side.

The chief warder passes around a parchment for the witnesses to sign. Under the new law, the Dementor's Kiss cannot be administered without seven witnesses. Ron doesn't know why -- as though seven people are too many to conspire to do wrong. Lavender Brown signs last. She's crying, and they take the parchment away from her quickly, probably afraid she'll smear the names. Harry stands with his hand firmly on Ron's shoulder, and somewhere back there Ron can feel Snape's presence, fiery and penitent.

The chief warder nods, and the Dementor lunges forward eagerly and shoves its mouth against Pettigrew's. In his animal terror, Pettigrew seizes the sides of its wet, decaying neck with both hands and digs his nails in.

Ron remembers: Lestrange's hand around his neck and her wand at his balls -- 'We have your friend, Potter. Come out before we start cutting off pieces of him' -- and Harry was barricaded in the Room of Requirement with Snape, and Ron was going to let himself be slowly torn apart to save him (just like always, just for Harry)--

And that anxious, androgynous, hand-wringing voice from behind them, and the almost undetectable calculation that modulated the words:

'My lord. He's my property.' Pettigrew's voice broke. 'Please...'

Ron remembers that, and the Dementor feeds, and Harry's hand is tight on his shoulder.

Even through the wards, there's still a hint of ice like a draught from a crack beneath a door. What Ron is seeing is beyond his experience and too horrible to be a part of real life, but he has a feeling he'll remember it anyway -- the soft wet suck as the Dementor pulls back, satisfied, and the body slumps down to the floor.

Pettigrew is gone.


end.


- Yet, methinks,
the manner of your death should much afflict you;
this cord should terrify you?

- Not a whit:
What would it pleasure me to have my throat cut
with diamonds? or to be smothered
with cassia? or to be shot to death with pearls?

-The Duchess of Malfi (Webster)

*

By the way, there's one other story I know of in this universe, also a sequel to Damage Control: "At the Beginning" by [livejournal.com profile] arachnethe2.

Date: 2004-01-14 04:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ntamara.livejournal.com
oh, wow, good.

(and here's me, just posting a peter fic too *g*)

flashbacks nicely interwoven, like Snape's constant presence with Harry

good one!

Date: 2004-01-14 05:13 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter pettigrew)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thank you. We're just tag-teaming the fandom with Peter fic today, aren't we. *g*

Date: 2004-01-14 04:40 am (UTC)
ext_841: (Default)
From: [identity profile] cathexys.livejournal.com
Wow! I love the way you work the dynamic, half Stockholm Syndrome, half Ron acknowledging that there might be some actual emotions underlying Peter's treatment of him. And yes, the view of Harry and Snape through Ron is interesting as is his conflicted feeling toward Peter in both past and present.

Thanks for a fascinating--if quite unsettling--read!

Date: 2004-01-14 05:17 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter pettigrew)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thanks very much. I was wondering who would be the first person to say Stockholm Syndrome. *g*

Date: 2004-01-14 05:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juxiantang.livejournal.com
*thud* YOU DID IT!!! Oh wow, girl!!!!!!!! Seeing your story is exactly what I needed to jump from being completely miserable to completely happy! I haven't read it yet, because I'm nearly in tears with the amount of work that is dumped on me but I'm going home soon and I'm taking it with me and oh-my-God, I'll be reading it, I can't wait till then :-) I'll write more when I read it... but oh God, Ron/Peter, I wanted to ask you if you were going to write them but I was afraid it would be too much like pressure.
You're great!!!!!!!!!! Hugs!

Date: 2004-01-14 05:26 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter pettigrew)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
I have to thank you again for giving me such wonderful material to work with in 'Damage Control' -- Peter's screen time may have been brief, but your characterization of him was unforgettable. Just dead-on. I can only hope I did justice to your work.

I'm so glad this gave you a much-needed lift! I know you've been mucho stressed lately.

Telling you what works, and what... well, works.

Date: 2004-01-14 07:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] switchknife.livejournal.com
Haunting, perverse, beautiful. I loved how you refused to let up on the ugliness of it all--what Pettigrew did, who he was, and yet didn't give up on the inherent ambivalence either. The strangely intimate knowledge of Peter we gain through this--and I love your characterization of him--love it love it LOVE IT--and of Ron, of course, backwards/forwards in time with his own half-there feelings for Pettigrew.

Brilliant. Fucking BRILLIANT. There were turns of phrase in here, in particular, that made me catch my breath:

Light spills in at an angle from the high windows. It glistens off the particles of ice on the stone walls, and paints Harry's face a faint sunrise gold.

Poetry. You know this is poetry, don't you? You use light as a painter would--not only here, but throughout the fic. Lovely.

Ron was on his knees on the floor, rubbing Pettigrew's feet, and Pettigrew wasn't watching him. The feet were hot and blue-veined from being crammed into tight leather and walked on all day, and they smelled stale. The soles were thick yellow and rough-ridged under Ron's thumbs as he carefully kneaded, staying away from the blisters. The toenails were small and curved and white, and one was torn to the quick. He rubbed Pettigrew's fat-bony swollen ankles, where the hair on his legs started.

YES. YES. PERFECT. You've drawn this essential ugliness so carefully that it becomes beautiful--I can feel Pettigrew's feet, smell them, and Ron's as careful with the details as you are, enslaved to them--and that care, in a strange way, makes even this scene erotic.

You've a gift for being merciless with flaws--which is, really, the only way to make them beautiful.

Snape's face doesn't move, but as he looks at Harry, there's a little shift of reflection in his eyes, and for a moment it seems like maybe you could see something inside.

How perfectly opaque--just what's suited to this situation. I shivered in that way one does when spotting, barely, a movement in dark undergrowth--Snape's soul like an animal, darting quickly out of sight.

His heavy wheezing breath in the quiet, the little creak of the mattress, the up and down of the hairy distended stomach when he looked, all familiar and ordinary.

Ugliness illuminated again, made domestic. This makes the same point as I made before: 'hairy distended stomach' combines sight with touch so completely that it condenses sensation--and it's ugly, yes, but that makes it beautiful.

Harry would have been Pettigrew's first choice if he'd been allowed. The idea was oddly hard to pin down, like it kept dancing away. Trying to catch it left a bitter taste in Ron's mouth.

That ambivalence again. Never give this up.

Red-fermented taste of stale sherry and spit.

*shivers* Um. I probably shouldn't--it made me shiver with disgust and... yes. Arousal.

... and the dark chandelier was a giant burnished spider above his eyes.

THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE IMAGE OF THE STORY--THE IMAGE, THE BEST IMAGE. *points frantically at sentence* THIS IS WHAT'LL WIN YOU THE BOOKER ONE DAY. I MEAN IT.

And the rest... the ending's beautiful too, in a different way--horrifying, cold, lonely, different from the smothering, claustrophobic heat of the blowjob scene.

Wonderful, honey. Just wonderful. I want to sit here and review your fic all day... but you'll probably think I'm crazy, and you're probably shaking your head at me right now.

So.

Um.

Write more please, of anything anything and I'll read it yes I will you mustn't stop writing mustn't stop--

I must remember to thank [livejournal.com profile] amanuensis1 for this. (As well as yourself, of course.) She made this possible--you brought it to fruition. While I loved all the prequels to this story, with AJPW the best, this is by far the most literary and the most accomplished of all the pieces. I hope I'm not insulting anyone with this--it's my opinion, and I'll cherish this story, cherish it.

All right now. Off to rec.
pauraque: bird flying (peter by snaples)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Wow, thank you very much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

I got more out of DC than JPW (again, no insult intended, just my opinion). I liked the broader perspective of DC, though fascinatingly, it couldn't have stood alone -- it needed Harry's narrower point of view in JPW as groundwork.

And obviously, I loved what JT did with Peter; that ambivalence you're talking about was really present for me in DC. I think my whole _story_ was present in DC, in fact, in these little glimpses of Peter and Ron throughout the piece. That's what's so great about DC -- you feel like you could zoom in on any character, and there'd be a complete story there.

Date: 2004-01-14 08:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kragey.livejournal.com
Let me be straight out in saying that rape/non-con stories REALLY piss me off if they're written to get somebody all hot and horny. Rape is NOT something that's to be taken lightly, folks.

HOWEVER, this story CLEARLY had it for the plot, and LORD, it was so wrong and good and...UGH. I adore it. The imagery was so realistic and true, and the fanfiction itself burns your throat away as you wither.

Darling, I'm afraid I must open my rec journal and post this gem. You are a new classic.

Date: 2004-01-14 05:32 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter pettigrew)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Let me be straight out in saying that rape/non-con stories REALLY piss me off if they're written to get somebody all hot and horny.

Yeah, non-con isn't a kink of mine either, so there's got to be something else there if I'm going to get anything out of a non-con piece. I'm flattered you gave my story a chance despite not being a non-con fan, and that you found that extra something in it to make it worthwhile! Thank you.

Date: 2004-01-14 09:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] opprobrium.livejournal.com
Wow. Holy cripes, that was good. You used amanuensis' story so well, and your writing is absolutely mesmorizing. Everything you wanted me to feel I felt, from Wormtail's nasty feet to Ron's last regrets. Amazing.

Date: 2004-01-14 05:34 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter by snaples)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thank you very much!

Date: 2004-01-14 09:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] desevera.livejournal.com
What [livejournal.com profile] switchknife said.
Just, oh wow. No words for it, sorry.
Please keep writing, this is fantastic
Sx

Date: 2004-01-14 05:36 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter by snaples)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.

(Btw, I know I have a comment from you in my inbox that needs answering... I'm planning to get to it tonight.)

Date: 2004-01-14 11:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amanuensis1.livejournal.com
Oh, man. This is something else. What [livejournal.com profile] switchknife and others have said--the imagery is just beautiful, from the way you make feet appear in every dimension of my senses, in front of me, to the chill I could feel as the seven gathered to sign paperwork in Azkaban. Yeah. This is a beautiful piece. I'm overwhelmed that you wanted to write something like this in the universe that started in AJPW!

Date: 2004-01-14 05:47 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter by snaples)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thank you! It seems clear that there's something irresistably fascinating about JPW, even to someone like me who isn't normally a fan of chan *or* non-con! I have an idea about why this is, which I'm trying to finish writing a post on. For now, suffice it to say that you did something that touched a nerve with at least three writers, to the point where we couldn't get your universe out of our heads, and that's *really* interesting. And I'm glad you did it. :)

Date: 2004-01-14 12:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deslea.livejournal.com
You already know what I think about this, but for the record, it's beautiful. It's bittersweet and painful to read, but its torment is retold with a restrained touch - in some ways the effect is all the more effective (and affecting) as a result.

The idea was oddly hard to pin down, like it kept dancing away. Trying to catch it left a bitter taste in Ron's mouth.

Gorgeous line.

Date: 2004-01-14 06:58 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter by snaples)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thank you. *smooches*

Now, you'd better be writing, and not reading your comment notifications. You are, aren't you? Thought so. ;)

Date: 2004-01-14 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deslea.livejournal.com
*looks sheepish*

Date: 2004-01-14 12:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolaraincoat.livejournal.com
Beautiful, beautiful. The writing here ... it's lovely. Besides everything else that others have pointed to already, "petrifying" cold is gorgeously exact. Thank you for writing this!

Date: 2004-01-14 07:01 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (peter by snaples)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
And thank you for your kind words! Maybe now I can finish that Post Bellum fic, as I seem to have gone into the business of writing sequels to other people's stories. :)

Date: 2004-01-14 07:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolaraincoat.livejournal.com
Yes please!

Hey, it's reciprocal write-me-some-fic nagging!

Date: 2004-01-15 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juxiantang.livejournal.com
I read it!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Actually, I re-read it about ten times yesterday :-)) I barely could wait till the morning because I loved it so, so much!!! You're fabulous!!! It's so absolutely great!!!!!!! Sorry... I know all those exclamation marks don't express my thoughts too well - it's just an attempt to express how your story made me feel.

I knew it would be great. Because no one can write Ron/Pettigrew as you do. But knowing it didn't prepare me to how much I'm going to fall in love with your story. It was perfect, just perfect.

I'm sorry if I'm going to be kind of incoherent - but I just had too many thoughts coming to my mind :-) Poor Peter... oh my God, poor Peter... you made me feel so sorry for him! All the time but especially when you wrote about him sleeping all the time - as Scabbers always did - for some reason it was so sad... And his feet. Damn :-) Liking Snape taught me that greasy hair and yellow teeth can be sexy :-) And your story taught me that a big belly and blistered feet can be sexy :-) Yes, Peter wasn't good - never in your story he is nice, he doesn't even show kindness to Ron. But there is something about him, some vulnerability... And I felt like I didn't want him to die.

Oh, I liked Ron so much in your story! He had that inner strength - even after everything he still was mutinous, still had his personality in him. And that moment when he thinks that Harry would have been Pettigrew's first choice. You don't even name the emotion he feels, and it's right - and yet it's so clearly what he feels! Poor Ron...

The subtlety of your writing is amazing! How you know what to tell and what only to hint! Harry's supportive presence - it's in everything, even though he doesn't say anything special - but one just can feel it. And Snape... that moment when he walks Harry on the leash. And when he's there, behind Harry, not saying anything. My God, it's just too good. And all those things Pettigrew says! They are so subtle, so *mundane* - but at the same time they give such a clear picture of his state of mind, of what happens...

Thank you for this story! I can't say enough how much I loved it, how much I'm impressed. I need to rec it on my LJ (as if people don't know about it yet :-)) And please, please, can I have it on my site? Or the link to it on your site, whichever way you prefer it! (You can't say 'no', you can't!)

Date: 2004-01-15 10:43 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (harry potter)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
All I want to do is thank YOU for giving me such irresistable material to work with. I said this to someone else in a comment -- what I love about 'Damage Control' is all the glimpses of the minor characters who seem so _complete_, despite having relatively little screen time. It felt like I could zoom in on any character, and there would be a complete story there, going on just out of Snape's view. It added a richness and sense of scale to that universe that just bowled me over.

I've read a lot of Peter fic, and your Peter in DC is one of the most memorable characterizations of him I've seen. You draw him in these quick, lethally accurate strokes, and he steals every scene he's in. Then you let him have that tiny little moment of ambiguity -- 'He's my property' -- and it makes the announcement of his execution into something far different and more disturbing than you'd think. What you made me feel at that moment in DC is what I was trying to communicate with this story.

And please, please, can I have it on my site?

Of course you can! I'm flattered and thrilled that you're so happy with it. :)

>:D >:D >:D >:D

Date: 2004-01-15 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] caesia390.livejournal.com
I love you, darling.

I should probably wait until I have time to actually digest the finished product and can do more than gush incoherently... but oh well. ^_^

I love Harry in this. His quiet, supportive presense... the way he doesn't get it at all. >:} I like Lavender a lot, too. ...Shit, I love everything and everyone. I mean, your characterization is genius. Always. Ever.

Laaaaaaaaa and I really like the way you dealt with the structure. All the mundane little details of Azkaban... the warden.

Ha ha ha I feel like maybe your writing shouldn't cause me so much delight. >:} Rape, slavery, execution.... Like I said, I want to, need to reread it.

I needed to read this!!!!! Thank you for directing me to it!!!

As ever, it's fantasical working with you!!!!!! I feel so, so grateful for the chance. ^_^ Yay yay yay yay yay!!!! *floats off in bubble of happiness*

Re: >:D >:D >:D >:D

Date: 2004-01-15 05:06 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (Default)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
*tacklehugs*

You are the best beta a boy could ask for.

*muchas smooches*

Date: 2004-01-15 02:57 am (UTC)
exbentley: (Ooooh)
From: [personal profile] exbentley
I'm friending you because every time I read one of your Peter fics I have a minor heart attack, and I think I need a little more danger in my life.

-But the feedback. I'm not very good at that, but I think my reactions to most of your writing could be easily summed up in three words (Wow! *faints* *dies*) but I'll try and expend more, since this deserves it.

Firstly, I loved And Just Plain Wrong, and I loved Juxiantang's hints of Ron/Peter - but this interpretation of it was not something that even so much as lurked at the back of my imagination. Peter is so... Peter. Your descriptions of him - especially of his feet, you describe the way feet, normal feet, look perfectly, right down to that irritating line of crinkled skin one gets from the elastic of socks. And the way he thinks, and talks... with punishments, so threatened, so unsure of himself, and so needy (I was a little boy once.)

Ron's response to him was lovely; I liked the way you wrote this fic, though I admit I read it twice, because I was only skimming the Azkaban bits to read more of the Ron/Peter *feels guilty* but I especially loved how even in this, where it shouln't have been a metter of contest, Harry was beating him. And Ron knew it.

The little bit of Snape was absolutely perfect, also - his reaction to Harry and not to Ron.

And I cried at the ending. I don't do that a lot.

This, this was marvellously unsexy, so realistic and horrible and absolutely perfect. Thankyou!

Date: 2004-01-15 09:58 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (harry potter)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
I'm friending you because every time I read one of your Peter fics I have a minor heart attack, and I think I need a little more danger in my life.

*laughs!* I should have a registered nurse standing by, like at the old horror movies.

I loved Juxiantang's hints of Ron/Peter - but this interpretation of it was not something that even so much as lurked at the back of my imagination.

It's funny to me that people are saying this, because I absolutely thought this was present in "Damage Control", just very subtly. I wondered if it would seem that I was repeating what JT had already said. :)

I read it twice, because I was only skimming the Azkaban bits to read more of the Ron/Peter

Heh, the Ron/Peter was much more fun to write, too. Well, maybe 'fun' is the wrong word, but it was much less laborious to write than the Azkaban parts. I cut a couple of Ron/Peter scenes because there wasn't room for them, but I just kept getting ideas for more... they came out so easily.

even in this, where it shouln't have been a metter of contest, Harry was beating him. And Ron knew it.

You know, this is exactly what struck me about Ron in JPW, so I'm glad you mentioned it. This is the part I always think of from JPW:

He heard Ron curse softly. The other boy was in front of the mirror now, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, in a useless attempt to get off the last of the lip paint. "Doesn't this shite ever come off?"

"Cold cream, dear," said the mirror. "Stop using soap on your face so hard; you'll ruin that pretty complexion of yours."

"Fucking hell." There was no emotion behind it. "Even the fucking mirror's going all perverted on me. I didn't ask to be Nott's fantasy of a skirt-wearing cross-dresser, did I?" The anger was starting to build, however. "Or to have to wear the fucking skirt, blouse, and hairbow all fucking day TOMORROW, did I?"

"You too?"

Ron looked at Harry. "Who's making you wear a skirt?"

"No, not like that." Harry felt suddenly awkward; he hadn't been trying to one-up Ron.


It just sneaks up on you, that bit, and then smacks you right in the head with how CANON it is, how recognizable the dynamic is. That was what I wanted to write.

Ha, I'm babbling. Thank you very, very much for your feedback; I'm glad you've enjoyed my writing. :)

Date: 2004-01-15 09:02 am (UTC)
ext_1611: Isis statue (hands)
From: [identity profile] isiscolo.livejournal.com
Harsh and brilliant. You make the characters come through very clearly.

Date: 2004-01-15 05:01 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (Default)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thank you. :)

Date: 2004-01-16 05:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fluffyllama.livejournal.com
Wonderful! This is so fabulous I can barely find the words - as you can see! Also, I'm running out of lunch hour *g* Bloody incredible, and since the rumour you have more Peter gems scattered around here has reached me I'm going to rummage about till I find and devour 'em. Yum.

Date: 2004-01-16 07:51 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (Default)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thanks! I've been reading your [livejournal.com profile] wormtales posts (that's you, right?) and enjoying them very much.

And here, I'll make finding the Peter fic easy on you. I've got a smutty one here, an angsty-smutty one here, and a silly crossover one here.

Date: 2004-01-17 04:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fluffyllama.livejournal.com
Yes, that's me, I'm glad you're enjoying them! Thank you for the links, I'm looking forward to those :-)

Date: 2004-01-24 03:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mimine.livejournal.com
I hope you’re getting e-mail notifications or else it could be a while before you see this comment.

To be honest I was expecting more of the trappings of slavefic… Your story was different. Unsexy and real and truly harrowing. I’m glad that I read it so shortly after Damage Control, it simply shifted a little and focused on another pair, still giving glimpses of the Snape/Harry that Juxian wrote so brilliantly (and I really must tell her, if she sees my comments about the Harry/Hagrid she might think I hated the story and nothing could be further from the truth).

I liked how Ron compared his situation to Harry’s, to how Harry suffered while he was treasured. And I love that little ambiguous moment when Ron thinks that Pettigrew would have chosen Harry, that Ron is always second best, even in something like this. Yet Ron’s love for Harry comes across and the scene outside the Room of Requirement made me cry again. This is Ron. He was simply perfect.

Date: 2004-01-24 10:25 pm (UTC)
pauraque: bird flying (Default)
From: [personal profile] pauraque
Thank you very much! I don't think I could have written this in the same kind of style as Amanuensis or Juxian. That's what I think is so cool about this series, that everyone brings their own style and slant to the material, looking at it from a different angle. I'm glad you enjoyed my take on it.

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